Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 2/18/2019
By Fitful
I was living with family on one side of the United States. But I was in love with someone, a girl, a friend. I hadn't seen her in a while but suddenly she showed up on my street and I seeing her made me realize how much I was attracted to her. It was like a flood of arousal, a torrent, as if I hadn't had any arousal I years and then I saw her. The moment was unlike any other. She was aware of my feelings, as if we were one. It was as if we had sex in that moment, some piling of intimacy and exposure and naked feelings all in a pinpoint moment of recognition. But she left and went back home, to the other side of the United States. I delt with family stuff and some police officer trying to accuse me of a crime I didn't commit. Finally I gave up. I stood on my street with my packed bags and collected my Plushies, leaving a single one as an offering to childhood on the side walk. But I think I might have picked that one up too at the last moment, I dithered over the decision to leave it. But I moved across the country, and was on her doorstep and moving in. She had agreed but now the meeting was different. It's like she had split into two people, the girl who was my best friend was the roommate who I had just moved in with and that was entirely platonic, and the girl I was in love with was a phone call away. I debated with my best friend about calling her but I felt self conscious. She didn't like I had been aroused by her. And I felt very uncomfortable calling her. I didn't want to, I had just thought about her and if I called her it was a sign and I felt scared of that sign. I didn't want her to know I had been thinking about her. I felt embarrassed. My roommate didn't seem interested in my plight. I brought a decadent vegan cheese cake, coffee or chocolate or something, and she stayed cutting it and eating a slice. Everytime I tried to get a plate or a utensil she gave me one too difficult to eat on. A misshapen bowl, an ugly plate. I kept pointing to a plate in wanted in her cupboard but she'd shake her head no and say they didn't use those. There was a white bone China set for tea and dessert that she didn't want me to use, I pulled out a creamer for it, and then focused on a plate. But she didn't want it to get broken. I then focused on a metal plate, beautiful and etched, for hors d'oeuvre, but I wasn't allowed the normal size one. She insisted I use the small skinny one and gave me a tiny slice of cake. I was hungry and wanted a normal size slice. She ate the normal size slice. I got the impression she didn't want me here, that I was unwelcome. That maybe I was annoying. The police officer came and somehow managed to get the crime he'd accused me of to be true on this side of the country. I had a dream that I was sure would come true if I took certain actions, like premonition in reverse maybe. It had to do with her, similar to the if I called her scenario. But my best friend didn't want me. I had come expecting to be in love and be close and it was worse than if I hadn't come.