Casual sex with high school bully

Date: 4/23/2017

I had sex with two people. The first was my high school bully. In bed, he focused on himself and busting a nut, seeing me as a flesh light. He was hateful towards me, disgusted. The second person I had sex with was some guy with a weird face, bird like. Moderately handsome. I don't recognize this person. He had appeared in his late twenties to mid thirties. Lean, pink beige, dirty blonde hair. A tall white dude in a white wifebeater, I think. We were about to go at it, but he was criticizing every little thing about me, is what it felt like. I told him this, and he started to be nicer, but I grabbed my things and left. I did not have casual sex with him. These were both very uncomfortable and painful situations for me, it felt very wrong and unsafe. The first encounter felt like a flash, like when you are very drunk. Hazy. The second took more time. His sheets where white, the walls had no decorations. It was either a queen or a king sized bed. The sheets were fluffy but not heavy. The room was not too big or small, but I couldn't really know since I had an angle facing towards the bed and not rest of the environment. I remember when my bully fucked me, I felt that maybe he could be showing a margin of affection - but that was not so. He only had hate in his heart, I knew this intuitively. He has the mind of a narcissist (as in, the disorder). As for me, I liked the sensation. He was fucking me doggy style. I hated that it was him, but I liked having something give me a pleasing feeling. But it was like the post sex shame and regret the entire time. Intuitively, I know that I had not consented without being gaslit to hell and back. This was much like what occurred in reality in a non directly sexual way, now that I think about it.