Don't shoot man, be my friend

Date: 6/12/2017

I've had a series of reoccurring dreams where I get out of situations that I face the danger of being shot and killed. Today I just got my new longboard delivered. It's my first time so I'm not good yet. However, I had this dream where I was wearing a helmet (I need one soon) while longboarding and this kid says "Nice helmet" in an insulting matter and I get the feeling his intentions are to bring my spirits down. I reply with "Thanks" and almost wanna add in "My mom bought it for me" to add goofy laughs. I forgot if I do say it or not but he approaches me very aggressively with a gang of three other kids. I pull out a green pocket knife and say "You don't want any problems man" and expect him and his boys to run. Instead, he pulls out a gun and points it at my head. I try to calm him down and begin to tell my story. "Look man, I've been thinking about death and the truth is I'm not afraid of death, if I die then all expectation placed on me disappear and I'm finally free. I almost seek the sweet relief of death. But then I think about how my death would affect the people around me. My dad came to the U.S. illegally when he was 19 and left behind his sacred home of Mexico along with everyone he cared for to seek a better life for his offspring. My father later struggled and persevered in becoming a U.S. citizen. He learnt English and although it is not the best English he manages to pass his point across. Both my mother and my father lived in poverty and violence. My mother faced much gang related violence in her youth and managed to overcome it. She was too poor to continue her education past 9th grade while my father barely passed 6th due to working the family farm. My mother became a secretary and set up a life for herself in Mexico where she would always have her relatives near her. My father proposed to move to the United States of America, the land that promised freedom and independence for all. She agreed and they set off to the U.S. My dad arranged papers for her and although she was happy with her new life she had to give up everything for the betterment of my life and the life of my 12 year old brother and 10 year old sister. My mother however did not speak the language of the land and stills to this day cannot speak it well even though she tries everyday. Her father died while she was living here and we did not have enough money for her to visit him. I never met my grandfather. My fraternal grandfather also died while we lived her in the U.S. and while I did get to meet him once I never got the chance to say goodbye. My mother gave up her family,friends, her overall confidence in herself and setup to work in several factories all for me to make something of myself. She set these high expectations for me to strive for. She didn't want to see me working the factories but working in hospitals and chemistry labs. So I arrived to reach these expectations and slowly began rising to the top of the class. I have always enjoyed being able to call myself a student in the honors class. I have always enjoyed being top of the class and seen as the boy with the best judgement in nerve racking situations that require precise skill and critical thinking. But all of this didn't come easy. I spent several night and days studying while all of my friends where out playing. There were days I would ignore my brothers while they invited me to play as I was too busy learning the chemical composition of sulfur hexafluoride and Potassium chloride. I spent a lot of time with ESL teachers (English Second Language) and began broadening my vocabulary. There were many times that I thought I would plummet. There were many times I thought I wasn't good enough and that I would never make it due to the color of my skin. Its ironic since when I first moved to Mexico in second grade I was bullied for not knowing Spanish despite of my appearance. I would also be bullied by the fact that I am flat footed and required the use of special shoes. Frankenstein feet became my nickname for a longtime. Despite all of this I have never considered suicide as an option. I saw suicide as the easy way out and I liked to challenge. I'd like to go to college and pick a career that could allow to help others or save many lives such as a pharmacist or chemist. But you could change all of that by pulling the trigger. You could be the reason my father doesn't sleep at night or maybe chooses to take his own life. Or you could put the gun down and become my friend". He put the gun down and hugged me.