I missed my chance

Date: 12/30/2018

So everything starts in a reality TV we arrive by car somewhere in England. In front of us stood a large white mansion and in front of it there was a huge pool with loungers around. We were not allowed to enter the mansion at the moment so the group and I went to the pool locker to put our stuff in, put our swimsuit to go to the pool. I remember that I felt bad. so we got there and we sat on the loungers, it was dark by the way only the moon and the candle enlightened the pool, there was this one rule that u have to be naked if u wanted to swim in the pool so i was like. After a few hours there was one guy and a girl that we’re kissing in the pool and two other guys talking in it too. Then this guy approached me and sat next to me, he started flirting with me and ask me questions like “where do u come from?” And “don’t u wanna go to the water with me?” At the moment he started asking me these questions I was FREAKING OUT!! and he was sooo close to me (mind u we where in swimming suits) so i said to the guy “sorry but I’m into girls” so he could live me alone but that kinda turned him on, at one moment he was staring at me and I looked at him and started to like him. So we stud up and sat on the border of the pool and he was talking to me but I wasn’t listening, I felt so relaxed and good and my heart was beating hella hard. A few minutes or hours later he took my hand and started going in the water, he was in-front of me and I already knew what was coming next. He asked me if i was coming, but I was hesitating, going back and forth in the water, he told me something that comforted me, so i went in the water he puts me against the wall, hold my legs, i told him that I’ve never kissed before and I didn’t wanted to do it in front of the cameras, he smiled and tells me genteelly that he was going to teach me. At this moment i had 4 millions questions in my head and started to think that my breath was stinky , so i push him and slowly walked out of the water and told him i had to go to the bathroom real quick so a ran to my locker searching for tic tacs but didn’t find nothing, suddenly I thought that i had to clean my locker. 7 minutes later i ran back to the pool but there was nobody and I realized that i fuck it up, so i went back to the lockers and heard 2 guys talking next the showers so i went there and i tap the shoulder of one of these guys ,he turned around and it was the gay guy from riverdal and i asked him where the guy i was talking to went and he gave me so much attitude and was acting like a bitch he told me that i had a chance, I messed up, that im a slut by turning guys on and then leave them, I started crying cuz i felt so bad so i lied to the riverdal guy by telling him that my mom had a car accident or something like that but he was acting like it wasn’t his fault and shit so I turned back in the water crying and by hating myself and drowned.