the comfort of missing someone you really liked

Date: 3/28/2020

March 26 2020 dreamt about h*****. haven’t thought/dreamt about him in a while and it kinda hit different. it was really, really nice. i felt so calm and comfortable and safe. i don't remember the details but the atmosphere was so soothing and i felt so secure. i remember we reunited and our feelings for each other ignited again, and we just forgot about any problems we had in the past and everything was good. not sure why, but we were usually in a kindergarten classroom together. he smiled a lot and he really liked me. he looked different than when i last talked to him, he looked more masculine & his hair was short. which is probably accurate, ik he’s been on t irl for a while now. he was still just as pretty. and his smile made me happy. he hugged me and i felt so, so safe. i suddenly remembered that he has bpd and i got a little nervous bc thats what interfered with our relationship last time. but i thought to myself, it’s alright, he’s been nothing but good to me up to this point. i’ll give him another chance. and i remember thinking i didn’t want him to leave, i didn’t want him to ghost me again, i didn’t want him to disappear like a mystery. i hazily remember fog and streetlights, like that iwaoi fic i read (the ocean is 6 miles deep or something) and thinking “he did. he disappeared, like a mystery. again.” i still waited outside the kindergarten classroom. i understood why he left though. but damn i’d be dumb as hell saying i don’t miss him.