I had a baby 😬

Date: 8/20/2019

Probably one of the scariest dreams I’ve had in that it seemed so real. I was pregnant in the dream (idk with who-i became a single mom) and decided to keep the baby. I can’t remember too much of the events of the dream but I remember the feeling I had. I loved my baby so much but often felt like my life would’ve been better for me if I’d had an abortion. So I’d be playing with him WHILE having these thoughts, which is scary. And makes me wonder how many first time parents in real life with or without a partner or support have these thoughts, even if just temporary. In my real life, I remember getting my dog for the first time in high school and I cried because I loved him so much when I first met him, but I also remember thinking about his inevitable death and all the responsibilities i would have now that he was in my life. I’d wanted a dog for so long and now I had one finally and even though my outward appearance was of joy, I was doubting inside. Of course I got used to the responsibilities and adapted to him being in my life and I love the little turd. He’s 6 or 7 now? Maybe that’s what happens with new parents, you think “what the hell have I done. I don’t think I really want this” but then you just get used to it and they become part of you.