Prosopagnosia

Date: 3/1/2021

I could tell the second the dream began that it was going to be another one of those dreams where I got my brain messed with. Sometimes that happens in my dreams, it almost feels like I get drugged or I’m super sleep deprived or something and every thought I have comes super slow and it’s hard to make decisions for myself. On top of this, I had acquired the neurological disorder in which it becomes impossible to recognize or recall faces, which I found when I woke up out is called “prosopagnosia.” In the dream, everybody’s faces kinda looked like weird they had a weird camera smear/blur effect over them, and I could only see them if I really looked, and when I looked away I would forget whatever they looked like. I may have also lost the ability to speak, but I don’t think I ever tried to speak either way. ALSO, I was taller, had broader shoulders, and was much more muscular (with strength to a supernatural degree.) ALSO ALSO, I had a girlfriend. Because of that whole prosopagnosia thing, I DONT REMEMBER WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE, much to my extreme anger. I distinctly remember that she smelled nice, maybe like flowers, and that she had long hair (I don’t remember what color) a few inches past her shoulders that was fairly wavy and very poofy. She was also shorter than me, probably about my height in real life. And she was so nice to me. Like the connection the two of us had was so real and so wholesome and so beautiful it was incredible. She would put my hair up for me and I would pick her up in a giant bear hug and lift her feet off the ground, making her squeak in surprise every time. I would try to CONSTANTLY hold her hand because I was so scared that if I lost her I wouldn’t be able to find her ever again and I hated myself so much for not being able to remember her face whenever I looked away. Like I can’t overstate how much I seriously loved this girl. Also, we fought monsters together. So, with that covered I’m gonna start describing the actual dream (all that other stuff was background info that was pre-programmed into me as soon as I spawned in the dream world), so I’m gonna switch to present tense. Like an annoying amount of dreams I have, I am in a large, industrialized metal elevator. I am holding my girlfriend’s hand and, even though we are standing up, she puts her head against my shoulder and shifts her weight so that she’s leaning on me. I hum happily (Y’know, like an “mmmm 🥰”) and I reach over with my other hand to tuck my hair behind her ear. The elevator dings and someone steps on. My girlfriend straightens and lets go of my hand. I feel my eyebrows furrow and I look between the two girls in confusion. The elevator doors still have not closed we haven’t moved since they opened. I don’t know if this just got uploaded to my mind or if the monster that walked in actually said this, but it starts like laughing?? I think?? I don’t remember this part very well, but somehow I end up dazed for a second and then (not because of the clone thing, obviously.) There’s an air of cockiness to the interaction, and the clone thingy is like, “Haha!!! My face is IDENTICAL to hers down to every last detail, how will you figure out who is who?!” But I do distinctly remember thinking, “bruh 😐.” So I keep looking between the two of them and I can just FEEL IT that the one on the left, closer to me, is the fake. And I just go. In. Sane. I bodily throw myself at it and I’m just pounding this thing into the ground over and over and over and I’m feeling the blood splatter on my face and my clothes and I can feel the bones snapping under my clenched fists. And I’m SCREAMING in rage and I’m like an animal it’s crazy and I can genuinely FEEL the anger and then it’s just a pile of meat and crunched up bone on the ground. I’m heaving in exertion and then I remember that my girlfriend is next to me. I look up at her from where I’m crouched on the ground over the body and she’s standing there and I can tell she’s smiling at me, but there’s something underneath the smile. It feels like she’s sad, maybe. Like she feels bad for me. Before I can think about it very much the body and the blood and everything is gone and we’re out of the elevator and I’m alone standing in the middle of a crowd. I’m disoriented by the quick change even in the dream and I look around, uneasy. There are people practically shoulder to shoulder filling the entire large room bustling around and bumping into each other and bumping into me. I’m in a museum, only 20 feet away from a reconstruction of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. I’m not good with bustling crowds in real life, a fact that is exacerbated by the fact that everybody’s faces are melting and it’s almost oppressively filling my vision with this spooky, flesh-colored smoke. And I have no idea where my girlfriend is. I think I make a noise of distress, and its definitely evident on my face that I’m uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure I start crying. Behind me, she pushes through the crowd and reaches out to touch my shoulder. She says “Hey, hey” in that motherly, reassuring way. I bend down a little to hug her and I can smell her hair and feel her warmth, and then I wake up. It’s been a few days since I’ve had that dream, and I really. really. miss her :/