Craziest dream of all time

Date: 9/27/2020

I was at a family party. I felt so misunderstood and depressed. It felt like all the disparity and humiliation I’ve felt in my life wrapped up into one so I ended up shooting myself in the chest. I remember the feeling of dying and people gathering around me and looking at me. They were strangers and I could hear them talking about me in shock. I told them to cover me up and they couldn’t understand me. I guess my words were barely coming out. Then suddenly I was in the afterlife, walking around and observing the same crowd. Certain people in the crowd could see me. Like I would hold certain people’s hands and they would hear me as I whispered in their ears. This one guy gasped and held my hand and reassured me that he could see me. These psychics made me feel safe and protected. I want to cry thinking about them. Everyone was walking towards another area to give me a memorial. Idk the memorial happened quick after my death in the dream. Like it just hopped forward in time. All the strangers who could see or hear me helped guide me through the crowd and to the area we needed to be in. It was outside and looked like a small concert with a stage. It looked like it was being held under a freeway, like an underpass with fences. We were sitting on bleachers and I was mostly invisible to everyone. Celebrities were walking around for some reason but I intuitively knew it was for their own benefit. For looking like a good person. But it didn’t phase me too much because I understood and got over it. I only cared about finding my family and friends. I was with a group of the clairvoyants who made me feel so at home. I sat between them and I had my favorite ones- the ones who first noticed me and helped me- sit near and around me. It’s like they knew I needed help. Kat (my old therapist) was there with some people I didn’t know. My old friends were there like Sarah Lawrence and she cried when the physics told her it was me and I touched her hand. I walked around the front of the stage as one of my favorite songs played live- I realized that they got HONNE to come and they were playing “Lines On Our Faces”. I started crying and looking at everyone’s expressions to see how they felt and were reacting. Then when I found my family. They were so so so sad. Looked empty and numb. I felt guilty for doing this to them and regretted killing myself. Cami (my sister) was with Julia (her best friend). I held their hands and they freaked out and were so happy. I remember dancing with Cami and Julia after they realized it was me. The people around us were so confused. We skipped in a circle as HONNE played because they got them as the tribute band. Other of Cami’s friends tried to join in but I would push them out if I got bad energy from them. Cami and Julia would laugh hysterically as if they knew I was doing it. I let Klarissa join because I knew she was a good friend to Cami. I was still invisible and people tried to join in my spot-then would be confused when I just pushed them back out. I found literally so many people that I’ve known in my life and would touch them and they would be confused/shocked/understand/cry. Or celebrities that I loved. I remember telling one of the clairvoyants (Jerry from Cheer) to tell Claudia Sulewski that she was amazing and when he did she was in denial, then I held both her hands and she got emotional. It was so so so vivid. I can’t believe I’m remembering all of this and writing it down. I found some Oakwood (group therapy) friends and told them to gather together. They kept saying okay prove that she’s here and I would hold their hand/push them and they would freak out with each other. I told them to call Chris and Tucker to come because I noticed they weren’t there. Chris’ car pulled up. At this point my memorial. looked like a drive-in with bleachers and people everywhere. Some I knew and some who were there just to...get attention and be in the drama of it all. But I felt at peace knowing the clairvoyants and my loved ones could see me. Chris arrived and I walked through the crowd to him. All my Oakwood friends were surrounding him and he just looked down depressed, with a hoodie on. Alex was with him and just sitting there slumped. I wondered if he told him about me. My friends were like ,”We should tell him.” and he looked up confused. After some debate I held his hands and he immediately hugged me and started crying. He carried me further away for privacy and we talked. He was crying in disbelief and telling me he didn’t know I felt the way that I did and I understood. How was he to know? He said he loved me and I said I wish I were still alive. I remember feeling content, I looked around and Cami looked at peace. So did the rest of my loved ones. What does this all mean?