purgatory

Date: 6/20/2017

This is a very interesting dream for some reason. Yet it involved her again, it's been a few weeks over a year since she passed. And the dreams have become more of reaching out rather than helping me get over it. I remember the dream had me in a room with her, and two others, the only catch was that no one knew they were no longer alive. It's as if they'd just woken up in a different place and couldn't remember the last thing that happened to them. I remember I pulled her off to the side and started to break down, I had to explain things, it was the most heart breaking thing I've ever felt. I've lost friends. And had bad break ups. But having to explain the story of how someone so important to you, is no longer able to be with you, and to watch their reaction, I hated every second to the core of my soul. To miss them so much, and only just want them back, even if it meant switching places, because even though you weren't their when it happened. You blame yourself everyday and every night, wishing you had went with them to keep this horrid thing from ever happening. I remember she was confused at first, like she couldn't believe it. But she's a smart girl, she took it well and somehow managed not to have a break down. I'm not sure if it was relieving or even more heartbreaking. I remember this long hallway that was connected to this room, little light, no way to get outside, random people around but not caring about us. We talked for what felt like hours, maybe even days. She was a little down, but still this brightly beautiful, happy woman. Eventually I started looking off in this hallway, no one was around and I think what happened next was she somehow forced me awake. Something like grabbing my shoulder or maybe I just woke up. It was the most interesting, heartwrenching thing I've ever felt in a dream. So much happened, but I think I'll keep that to myself.