My wife and I (as portrayed by Julia Roberts and Bradley Cooper) briefly stopped at an enclosed marketplace on our way through Michigan. She wanted to find souvenirs for her family - mugs with famous landmarks on them and such - and I just wanted to find a good used bookstore. After we parted ways, I began to study the floor tiles, It occurred to me that they formed a very complex and deliberate pattern, and that only part of the pattern was visible as you got closer to the east wall of the market. I probed the area and found a door leading to a secret surveillance room, which had dozens and dozens of video tapes of me closely examining the magazine rack at the bookstore. These tapes were dated as early as 1986. A man in a tweed suit (played by Joel Gray) approached me from behind and asked in a friendly voice, “Would you like to know more?” I fled the room and found my wife at the gift store. “There’s something I have to show you,” I said slowly. And that’s when my teeth started to fall out.