Life at the Bottom of the Swimming Pool

Date: 1/21/2018

cw: suicide, baby death This dream almost felt lucid. In it, I was not myself but a character. I don’t know if it was an already existing character. I kept swimming to the bottom of the swimming pool where I would lay there and watch everyone swim by. I was trying to kill myself. But then people from my “past” (my character’s past) would come up to me and we would talk. The only person I remember talking to was an old woman who accused me of doing something that led her to killing her own baby years ago. I felt distressed at this. Occasionally, I would resurface, but most of the dream was spent at the bottom. Sometimes I would try to breathe in the water and finally let go, but I seemed incapable of drowning. This dream was almost cinematic. I would see a swimmer suspended in the water and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. The water was clear, blue, and almost unmoving. I’ve been very depressed and suicidal for a long time and I feel this dream is definitely about that.