an odd night

Date: 12/22/2019

i had other dreams this night but only remember this one which was at about 7am. there was a small shack of a house in the dead of winter. it must’ve been located in a trailer park kind of location as we seemed to have many close by neighbours. i remember a middle aged women yelling and being mad at the younger people for something. the younger people consisted of me , 1 or two other girls and kieran and zach. I wasn’t sure if it was really zach it only felt as if it was him bc of his blond hair and his smile. i couldn’t recall the girls but i could see kieran clearly. the middle aged women reminded me of ashley. she was annoyed and bitching about us being noisy or something. it was very cold in the house and everyone needed to go to bed, there was only one bed and the one or two girls got into the corner piece. Zach was next to her and i went to get in as well. the other girl was already asleep and zach was giving me a ‘lustful’ sort of look for lack of a better word. i couldn’t help but feel interested in the same way. i felt extreme guilt even in the dream, so i didn’t do anything but i didn’t stop anything either. he put his arm around my waist and just held my waist playfully. i laughed and he smiled. it was nice it felt safe. it wasn’t a sexual tension or anything like that but i just felt excited to sleep and cuddle. kieran walked in brining the cold with him. some guys would’ve been straight up mad if they saw their buddy with their arm around their gf. but kieran did what i expected him to. i saw him notice zachs arm, and instead of getting mad he got passive aggressive. this almost made me feel worse. kieran instead slapped at his hand a little bit without saying anything and got in bed instead right next to me. he grabbed me into one of his smothering bear hugs. i felt both grateful, ungrateful, and kinda down at the same time. i was grateful for his person, and i was grateful i had a nice large kinda guy like him. but i felt smothered, i was annoyed i was being squished and i was annoyed i didn’t feel free and etc etc. but can’t ask for too much right