Dream: Because of Amanda Mann

Date: 11/28/2016

Two weeks ago was the day of my transference to this college. A month ago was the death of a student, and childhood friend of mine, Amanda Mann. She was the reason I had transferred here. She was the reason for all of this. I could see her. Her beautiful long blond hair, those cinnamon brown eyes, her pale skin. The outfit she wore on the day of her death. Even though she was dead she was still among the living. Screaming, crying, wanting someone to help her. To save the only person she cared about from his downward spiral he had hit. This man was her uncle, though they were only a few years apart in age. She had always looked up to him as if he were her brother, and he was now my professor.         “Can anyone truly get into the mind of a criminal?” Mr. Madison asked us.     He looked around the class and realized no one had raised their hand. A small smile played on his lips but it was almost forced. I raised my hand and he glanced at me, a small hint of both surprise and familiarity playing in his eyes.     “Ms. Sanchez.” he said acknowledging that I had an answer.     “No one can exactly get into the mind of a criminal. However, they can learn a good amount about the criminal through face reading, body motions, criminal studies, and background checks. Lie detector tests can work though with their being criminals with multiple personality disorder, or DID, it can be a little less reliable. One personality could tell the truth and the other could lie. There really is no guarantee with any of this, however, that we could truly get into the mind of a criminal. We’d just maybe scratch at the surface if anything.” I told him calmly as some of the others in the class stared at me dumbfounded. If my black hair wasn’t tied back, I probably would have hid my face behind it. I hate being stared at.     “Well, it seems our newest student has been keeping up with the latest crime shows.” Mr. Madison said, making the class laugh, “However she is quite right.     He continued the lecture but I could barely hear him. It was as if all noise in the room was fading away. There was nothing but that gaze of his. Dark, bitter, angry, yet hidden from those who couldn’t feel it. Hidden from all who were ignorant and couldn’t feel that cold fire slowly gliding over them. The bitterness of it making the hairs on my neck stand up as I tried to focus on anything else but the raw emotion that was flowing off him.     “Save him!” I heard Amanda shout from behind me, startling me a little but not enough for everything else to come to focus.     'How? He’s pissed that I’m here when you aren’t. I’m a reminder of you Amanda. How do you expect me to save him!' I nearly screamed in my mind as I fought back the tears that wanted to build up.     “I can help. You tell him what I tell you. We need to save him. Please!” Amanda begged me. She sounded as if she might cry now.     I turned around, hoping to get a glance at my friend, and saw Mr. Madison staring down into my copper eyes quite bitterly. That cold flame piercing through me.     “Ms. Sanchez you’ll be staying after class.” he told me, his voice as sharp as a viper’s fang. I could almost feel the venom sinking in.     “Y-yes sir.” I said quietly as he made his way to the front of the class and continued his lecture.     'Now I’m in trouble. I officially wish I didn’t have this gift.' I thought with a sigh as I wrote down all the notes I could.     “This will be your big chance, Karmin.” I heard Janine, a girl I started to accept as an acquaintance, whisper to me.     “What do you mean?” I asked her, not really following.     She grinned as she pushed her notebook closer to mine, letting me quickly copy down some of her notes too.     “I’ve seen how you keep watching him. I don’t know if it’s chemistry or history but there is definitely something there between you and the professor.” Janine said quietly as she wrote more notes down.     She’s a hell of a multi-tasker. Writes down notes, listens to lectures, and has enough time to notice the new girl is keeping a close eye on her professor. Jeez...and here I thought I was being conspicuous about it too.     “It isn’t like that.” I told her quietly, “He and Amanda were close friends of mine when we were all younger. I hadn’t seen them much over the past couple years and then...well you know that story.”     Janine gave a sympathetic smile. “Well then this is your chance to talk to him as a friend. I’m sure he’ll need it.”     “I know he does...it’s just whether or not he accepts it.” I whispered.     The conversation died after that while I copied Janine’s notes. Mr. Madison continued his lecture then gave us our assignments for the weekend. Never was he kind enough to let us not have a weekend assignment, it’s college after all.     The class started to file out and then it was just me and Mr. Madison left. He waved me over to his desk which really didn’t make me any more comfortable with this. I could feel Amanda’s presence nearby, warm and kind as a small campfire. She was watching to make sure I tried. She wanted him to be ok. Honestly, I wanted the same.     “Do you know why I kept you after?” Mr. Madison asked me, his dark eyes peering over his glasses now.     “Honestly professor, I don’t.” I told him calmly. 'Kinda hard to know what you did when you get sucked into a ghost realm for a moment.'     Now that I was up close and it wasn’t class time...I could actually see him. The darkness under his eyes from lack of sleep, the messy nature of his short brown hair. He must have done a quick brush through to attempt to look alright. His skin was pale, I’d bet even cold to the touch at this point. He wasn’t healthy at all. That scared me.     “You stopped paying attention to my class. I called on you and it was as if you had gone to sleep. I don’t tolerate that stuff here.” he told me sternly.     “Victor I...”     “Karmin, you’re my student here. You don’t get to use my name as you please.”     “I don’t care that I’m your student. I was your friend first.” I could feel my voice tremble and I could see the images that both he and Amanda saw that day. Pain seared through my heart like a hot iron trying to brand me. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I fought to control my emotions.     “You were my friend first, but you are my student now.” he told me, a cold distance showing clearly in his voice.     “Make him listen!” Amanda pleaded, “If you don’t make him listen we won’t save him!”     “Victor, she doesn’t blame you. She knows you tried to save her. She knows it wasn’t your fault.” I told him as I felt tears start to fall.     His gaze came back to me but it wasn’t icy anymore. It was volcanic. Regret, anger, depression, helplessness, so many raw emotions inside it.     “You don’t know anything about that day Karmin. You weren’t there.” he seethed at me.     “But I can see what happened. Through you, through Amanda. She’s still here Victor and she wants you to stop hurting yourself over it.” I told him as I tried to grab his hand.     He pulled away, glancing around behind me. He must have been trying to see her.     Amanda came over to me and smiled weakly, a warm glow about her as she placed her hand on Victor’s. He looked at me again and it was as if he knew it was her.     “It’s alright Victor. I’m alright now. You don’t need to hide your tears. You don’t need to guard yourself. You have a friend right here who wants to help you. Please don’t push her away. Please don’t leave her behind. She’s hurt too.” I repeated for Amanda so that he could hear her words.     “I killed you Amanda. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t have anything left.” Victor said quietly, as if he’d truly lost all that was precious.     I felt tears fall even more as I looked to Amanda now. She nodded, smiling at me. I took Victor’s hand in mine and was grateful he didn’t pull away again.     “Victor, Amanda led me back here. The day she was killed, she visited me in my dreams. She wanted someone to help you. Someone who could actually speak to you. I was across seas at that point though. I’m sorry it took me so long to come back here, but I’m here now.” I told him, hoping he’d open up to me.     “She always did look out for me. Even though I was the eldest.” Victor whispered, a faint smile on his lips.     “That’s how Amanda was. You were like a big brother to her and you were her family. She loves you. That’s how it goes.” I told him.     “Is she still here?” he asked me as he got to his feet, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.     I glanced over at her and she nodded. “Let him speak.” she told me.     “She’s still here.” I told him as I got to my feet as well.     “Amanda, I’m sorry. I was hesitant and scared for everyone in the class that day. I should have shot him when I first saw him. I didn’t mean to hit you Amanda.” Victor said, his voice trembling with the effort of keeping back the tears that wanted to spill.     “She says that she knew what you were trying to do. She knew your students came first and that you had to be sure each one was safe. That’s why she doesn’t blame you for shooting her and missing him. She knows it wasn’t your fault. The man who had grabbed her had made sure he wouldn’t get hit without her being hit first.” I told him for Amanda.     She nodded to me and I could tell she was going to pass on. I smiled to her and saw Victor look over at me.     “She’s leaving.” he whispered.     I nodded and watched her go. My hand felt warm in Victor’s and I smiled over at him. “Let’s get you home. It’s the weekend after all and you need a chance to really grieve.”     He wrapped his arms around me and I could feel tears fall onto my shoulder. I sighed lightly and wrapped my arms around him as well.     “I won’t say it’s ok, but it will be easier over time. I’m here whenever you need me.” I whispered to him.     In the end, it was Amanda who saved us both. It was just as it always had been.