I see you in my dreams

Date: 6/1/2017

I was standing there in this huge chapel-like building, with beautiful marble walls and ornate statues. It was brightly lit and there were flowers literally everywhere. I was wondering why I was there when I noticed that I was in a wedding gown, and standing at the altar. I looked down the aisle as wedding bells began to chime and then as the doors began to open I saw you standing there, and I knew what love felt like. It was a love I have felt for no one but you. You began to walk towards me, but then suddenly the music stopped and you were standing beside me, you were in a dress this time, and it didn't fit at all. You looked uncomfortable and you were crying, you started asking me if this was what I wanted, and why you weren't good enough. I started sobbing and every bone in my body hurt and I shook the way that I did when I first lost you and I realised what I had done. Suddenly the room was empty and I was sitting in a pew. Next to me was the goddess, but she looked like your mother. She asked me what I had done to deserve the torture that I was putting myself through, so I told her everything. I told her about how I lost the love of my life because I had always dreamed of a wedding with two brides in white dresses. How I blamed it on everyone else around me because I couldn't accept that the reason why I lost you was entirely my fault, and it was too late to fix. How for a second I had everything and then in a fit of fear I threw it all away and I threw away everything that reminded me of you because I don't want to live without you and sometimes it feels like I can't reach the goddess and I can't feel peace but the reason is my own doing. I can't feel peace because inside I still can't believe that I lost the love of my life because I was afraid. Then I heard a knock at the door, and I looked up and it was her, but for a moment I thought it was you, and for a moment I swear I forgave myself, and then I dug myself in even deeper, and I gave up.