Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 10/2/2022
By HaysPotato
So I'm 19, for context, it has been years since I've seen the inside of a classroom, I was living on my own for the past year and even though while I was doing so I was diagnosed with severe depression and Anxiety I have never had any of it translate to my dreams, but now I have moved in with my stepmom and two siblings so I have a chance to get back on my feet and work on my mental health without the stress of- well, everything. It's been a little over a month now of living here, and mentally I feel so much better, I don't hate myself, I don't feel like I am constantly freaking out about this or that, and yeah I'm still stressed out, but overall for the first time in a long time I actually have been having good days where before I almost never did. BUT the last three nights I have been waking up to repeated nightmares in the night, they started off tame enough, in the beginning, only uncomfortable to the point where I'd wake up from them every few hours, feeling bad, but unable to recall why. The second night it was very clearly anxiety related, I woke up like three times, I don't remember the first two, but in the last one I had brought bed bugs to my stepmothers house, and it became a nightmare of an infestation, affecting the houses of all of my family members nearby. That one was gross and I woke up with my heart racing and my brain telling me that I'm terrible, and cause bad things, you know, usual anxiety bs. Then, tonight I fell asleep after putting on some big mouth and saying a prayer for my newly-enlisted boyfriend and for myself to actually get some rest in the night and actually I did manage to sleep for most of the night with a relatively normal dream, I was like managing a run down pos restaurant in a similar way that Fiona runs the Gallagher house in shameless, it was chaos, but I made it work, then suddenly I was in a high school classroom, and the teacher was playing something on the whiteboard, they did a lesson then said we'd watch some videos since we finished early, I thought awesome, we're going to watch a movie but instead it was one of the nastiest things I had ever seen, I tried writing it out but I literally can't, basically I watched a guy die, very vividly, I could tell you every detail of his face and clothes while he stood there, then he died horribly, was completely mutilated in a way that makes me sick to think about, even in my dream I had to look away, but even hiding under my shirt, I could still see it, like I couldn't escape. After that he showed us two more videos, one of which I couldn't watch, and only saw bits of gore, and a man lying dead on a street, but in the third one it started off as a wedding video, a man and a woman were standing on the back of what seemed to be a parade float, dressed in all black, getting married, which sounds weird, but in my dream it was totally normal, you know? Anyway, as they kissed fire shot out of cannons and music played, it was cute until the brides dress lit up, and she panicked, asking her now husband for help, he freaked out and pushed her off the float and told her to stop drop and roll, but it turns out she wasn't the victim in this one, she didn't roll, but she was mad, and in the climax it seemed her dress smoldered itself out and instead she followed the float screaming. Suddenly I was there, no longer in the classroom but in the video, standing on the curb of the street, watching it all unfold as they passed houses in the neighborhood. I heard a dog barking, and as they passed me I felt this angry brown dog clamp it's teeth down hard on my hand, when I say my hand I mean my entire hand was in it's mouth and its grip was up around my wrist, and I fucking panicked, begging the woman for help as they passed me. My focus was primarily on the dog and trying to get my arm out, and this part felt more like my brain couldn't decide what was going to happen next as the woman walked to me, still yelling at her husband, and looking at him with a twisted smile as she realized what was going on, I felt a twinge of hope as she approached, thinking she'd help, but then I saw her face, she never even looked me in the eye, and I suppose the dog was her husband's, based on the way she was talking (I don't remember what she said exactly, but I know it was implied), and as he begged her not to, she gave the dog a wave and I felt my arm jerk repeatedly, feeling intense pressure on my shoulder and elbow, suddenly it became clear that she was going to have the dog tear me apart, and in a moment of pure terror I finally woke up, my joints on that arm still hurting from the dream. And that brings me here, in the past posting here has gotten me some insightful comments, so please if you have any idea what this means or what I can do to prevent this dream or others like it from happening again please for the love of God, do let me know, I feel like my own brain just gave me PTSD for Christ's sake, and I don't want to be terrified to go back to sleep like I already am. I used to love watching true crime but it's been a while since I have, and even then, it never affected me like this, I really don't get why the moment I start to feel okay my brain decides to scare me shitless.