Guilty of Guilt Nightmare

Date: 3/15/2019

By Fitful

I was in a grocery store. I'd been there three times that week. At home I lived in this odd ramshackle Victorian house and there was a change in property ownership and I felt a bit kicked out, even if I wasn't. The areas I was allowed i were changed and I was given less access or less of an important role in the business. Anyway I was upset and feeling displaced and out of sorts. Furthermore my favorite TV show, a Disney Channel series, was being changed a well. They ruined it and the people behind it were aliens, aliens in disguise. They hated certain chemicals, diamond dust, and so stopped using a certain flim which used them and changed the whole storyline. I even deleted the episodes that had been produced by these aliens in protest. I was very upset and I didn't care about anything. Also I was very sick, feeling dizzy and nauseated with a head that barely could focus on anything it was so cloudy. So back to the grocery store. It was a nearby store I always went to. Three days ago I had had some misunderstanding over a grocery cart I left in the front and a candy bar I ate without paying. I'd been in line with someone else and I'd been going to pay, once I retrived my cart, but they thought the worst and I got scared and left. Stupidly I came back thinking they would have forgotten me. Besides I was hungry. This time I was eating donuts. I had a box of chocolate donuts at home. I could have simply waited but I kept trying to pick up another box only to find it was too difficult and they kept opening and the donuts were broken. I settled for grabbing a few halves of broken donuts and scarfing them. I went to check out the items I did have in my arms but the security guard recognized me as suspect from three days ago and stopped me. He made me wait in line until all the customers were checked out and gone and the shop was closing. I got so sick and nauseated I vomited a little on the floor. I felt justified, they were detaining me and I was sick. I was also scared and desperate. I really wanted to go home and not to jail. Jail would take so long when I really wanted to lie down. The manager pulled me into his office. "Well this is embarrassing," he said. "If you say so," I retorted. I was angry by this time and not inclined to give into their accusations. He began bizarrely by telling me how his cancer was in remission and how he was happy to be able to live without the threat of eminent death hanging over his head. I was forced to congratulate him out of politeness sake which turned into real congratulations as I realized it was a victory and I was a nice person who cared. He wore hospital scrubs and it was clear he was also a surgeon. A grocery store manager/doctor with cancer in remission. He then pulled out an X ray of my spine and hips. Just my spine and pelvic bones were visible on the X ray. "We can't find anything which says you have sciatica. Here you look perfectly healthy." I then went on a very long speal about how x rays don't always show sciatica and doctors have even told me that it doesn't always show but as I've had the pain of it since I was 11, due to a documented car accident, obviously I do have it. I told him I could provide references, he could talk to my doctors, my social workers, I could provide character references. Furthermore last week was a complete misunderstanding and I've never stolen from this grocery store or shoptlifted in my life except maybe once which I can't be certain because I can't remember but if i did it was when I was a kid. I went on to say more and more about how I make it a policy to not steal and I could provide character references for that too from my social workers and therapist, which weren't really worth much because they barely knew me but still I could provide all these phone numbers. And furthermore my mental health was crap and I suffered from anxiety and agoraphobia and clinical depression and this interrogation wasn't helping, false accusations weren't helping, and I shopped here three times a week and this was my grocery store which I wanted to feel comfortable and safe in, not suspect...