Jonathen: I speak my mind

Date: 1/22/2019

Jonathen, my ex. He broke up with me in late March of 2018 after 6 months. I shed a tear and said, “if that’s how you feel, then alright.” It hurt strongly, but I dealt with it. I was fine. Soon after, Beginning of April, he goes to my mother and tells her about something I told him in November. I said I jumped out of a car partially to commit suicide. The truth was I jumped out because I was scared about my mother. I was depressed and wanted attention when I told him this lie. Then, in April he tells his legal guardian and my mother that he was worried I tried committing suicide. It took him six months to tell them this. On the spot, I was caught in my lie and sided with my mother, telling Jonathen I never said that. There was tension. Something else arose, but I can’t remember what it was. It wasn’t my fault though. About a week later I apologized to him for both of the things, he said he needed time to think and threatened to block me if I tried talking to him before he was ready. My mother then said stop talking to him because he was emotionally blackmailing me. My best friend at the time didn’t know we dated until he told her after we broke up, in an attempt to ruin my name to her. I’ve known her since I was 8 and she was 9. In the end she sided with him. She attempted staying middle ground, but it didn’t work. From April to August I received four threats regarding my personal safety and two death threats from his friends. My friend helped me get over him on an out of state camp we did for a week. We were both annoyed at each other at the end though. We don’t talk anymore. To this day, I continue to get the occasional text from his friends. He was an emotional blackmailing boy who manipulated his friends. I had break downs about all of this, I was in the living room talking to my mother once and I just started crying in her arms. Around August I wanted to be nice to everybody, September, I was normal again. I’ve remained normal. My dream starts out with me in a red area with fire. I’m alone and then Jonathen joins me. We then are in a chat room and I’m apologizing for everything I’ve ever done to him. Never heard an apology from him from what he did to me. He stood there ignoring me. Then I write a paragraph telling him he’s a dick basically. He fires back, with a hurtful comment to me. He leaves the chat room and I try destroying his house. His friend, Declan joins and sees me doing it. He doesn’t realize it’s me, but when I tell him it’s me he says, “Go to hell you fucking bitch.” And leaves. Jonathens other friend Lennon, then joins with a mask on and I say hello, because Lennon was always nice to me, he never threatened me even after everything happened. He said nothing, he didn’t know I was there. Then I flew away and I was screaming in emotional pain. I wake up. It was an intense dream.