Just Notes

Date: 7/28/2017

My progress on dream experiments started out good and fine, but it has slowed recently and is now pointing towards things I do not find favorable. Here are my goals: •Try to read (success ✔) •Conjure up items/people (unsuccessful ❌) •Ask people you know irl logical questions in your dreams (unsuccessful ❌) •Ask people in your dream if they know they are dreaming (success ✔) •Kill yourself (success ✔) •Try to kill other people (untried) I'd like to explain that my dreams are vivid. REALLY vivid. So vivid, that I can feel every little sensation in my dream -- a cool breeze, the taste of a drink or food, pain, exhaustion, all that shiz. I can even read clearly in my dreams. "Try to read" was attempted in one of my not public dreams. I have tried multiple times to conjure up fire or small items or move stuff around telepathically, but unsuccessful. I was able to do all sorts of stuff like this months back. When I attempted to ask a friend I knew irl whom was in my dream a "logical" question (I asked "What is your full name?") he became antagonizing in a way that his figure grew grotesque, like he was turning into a demon warning me not to try something like that again. I haven't done so; yet. My first few attempts to make my dream people aware they were dreaming was months back -- those people did not react to what I said, as though I didn't say it at all. However, weeks back now, I managed to ask someone I knew from HS and Elementary the question, and she casually responded with a "Mhm" and nod. I then, excited, asked her "So if I visited you, would you say you had a lucid dream?" And dream-her responded with "Of course." Unfortunately, upon talking to real-life her, she says she did not lucid dream, or dream about me, at all...Figures. My second attempt at doing this, I didn't ask my (different person) friend if they were in a dream. I kissed them. It was as if he began to realize he was in a dream, like his irl self was now luciding as well, so we went through the dream together. Luciding. You might be asking "Why is 'kill yourself' a goal?" I died before (only once in like 2 years haha) and woke up pretty much fine...I mean, I was breathing heavily since I fell to my death into a black abyss, but I was fine. Anyway, I did try (or accidentally try?) to do this again. Unfortunately, I can't remember the events of this dream off the top of my head, and can't find the entry about it, but what I can definitely tell you is that after I died, the dream ended. Completely. I did not have any other dreams that night. That's all the detail I can say atm. Now, to finally get on to more recent events. I tried all of those options (excluding the last one) weeks ago. I stopped for a bit in my attempts to dream about my boyfriend ( about a month or two prior to this, I had a dream that me and one of my friends made out. This is the same guy I have now been going out with for a month ), and the closest I got was weeks (two weeks?) ago where we were at my HS in public and he took me to this museum he liked. I, now, have only been having dream about my elementary school and old-school friends instead of him. I stopped trying to dream about him for a few days, but just continued yesterday, and guess what I dreamt about? Not him. No, instead, I had a dream I and some other kids were kidnapped. The kidnapper, at first, looked almost like a tall version of the Grim Reaper. I had devised a plan: pretend to be dead so that our kidnapper would throw me away so I could escape and get help ( it's a dumb idea because I wasn't luciding yet ). Little did I know, my kidnapper was a Necrophiliac...and a Coprophiliac...fill in the blanks as you wish. Just imagine my humiliation when he gave me a Golden Shower. And as I said previously, my dreams are VERY vivid. Anyway, after a while of being poked and prodded and humiliated, I finally lucided. So you know what I did? Not wanting to leave the dream and give the guy the last laugh, I ran into the house, locked the door, asked the other children if they found a way to defeat him ( they had nothing because they had already given up hope of escaping. Weaklings ), yelled at them when they said nothing, then the guy bursted through the door and we started fighting each other. My punches did little, my kicks did little, but I was determined and had endurance, and continued to fight him anyway. I was hoping, but not counting on, the other kids to see my attempts and determination and join in with me, but they did not. During the fight, the guy tried to draw something. I looked at it -- it was me and him, fighting. It was a comic. I theorized maybe he drew out the events that had happened, thus making them come true. So I erased his half-finished frame, and drew a picture of me winning. But before I could test my theory, I woke up to a phone call.