Bar-Trayal

Date: 4/27/2019

(Haha get it? Betrayal?) Part one- Background information about why certain things happened in my dream Part 2- What actually happened in my dream 1. In one of my friend groups, I had a crush on someone. Everyone else knew about it but him, and I told my friend, whom I trusted a lot at the time. She shipped us and made a huge deal out of it n that stuff. I didn’t make a move, I couldn’t at all. I didn’t want to ruin our friendships and I’d rather just spend time with him. Note that I go to a separate school than everyone else. However, we talked almost everyday with our other friends in a huge group chat. Well, fast forward a few months, and I found out that my friend and crush are together. Like, dating. I was very close with her, we’ve known each other for about what? 10 years? I was in shock, I was numb for a while. I didn’t know how to feel at first. She sent me photos constantly of the two of them, and screenshotted conversations and romance between them. I tried very hard to be happy for them. Because even if I loved him, and even if it hurts more than anything at the moment, I care about his happiness the most. If he’s happy, then I’ll be happy. He found someone to love, therefore he’s content. Just as long as he’s happy and in good hands, I’ll feel happy for him. Even if that person isn’t me. At first, I thought- Maybe she forgot? No, she couldn’t have. She made a huge deal out of it. Maybe it’s on purpose? Idk. Some other GOOD friends talked to me about it and we had a group call, excluding her and the crush. They told me- “Yeah, Mochi. When we heard the news, we were sitting here, with some of our other friends who knew and thought- ‘Damn. Isn’t Mochi going to be sad about this? What about Mochi?’.” I almost cried when I heard that, knowing that they considered my feelings. After having a nice long chat, everything clicked and I didn’t feel as numb. The next few nights, I was an emotional mess lol It’s not the fact that those two are together. More than anything, I kinda feel... Backstabbed? Like my trust was broken with her. She did many things in the past that I let slide and forgave. But now that anger and anxiety has built up and is being released. I’m not going to intervene with anything. If this is how fate is intended to be, then so be it. I’m not in any position to say anything. I never say anything to the intended person in these situations. I recently talked to another close friend, and caught up with each other, since we haven’t conversed in a long time. The conversation eventually went to my friend and crush. “Wait, (Friend) has a boyfriend?” She asked. “Yeah, you didn’t know?” “No...” “That’s strange, she messaged me a lot about it.” “That is strange. Normally, she’d tell me.” And then everything clicked again. Maybe it is intentional. Why me? Why am I being told everything? I also noticed that every time I texted in the group chat, she’d bring up something about her now lover. It can be an image, or compliment. Then Crush would enter the conversation and make comments about her. I don’t need to see her images, and I don’t need to see her detailed conversations with him. I don’t need to see any of it. But there’s still that curiosity inside me, that itches whenever I see a new message about them pop up. After all the shit that piled up over the last 10 years, all I’m asking for is something I’ve never really gotten before- At least a conversation about it, if necessary, an apology, or just dropping her and everyone else. But I do know that I’m cutting off ties soon. It just depends where, when, and the situation that will cause me to snap. 2. Okay, onto the juicy part. In my dream, I met up with that friend group since we haven’t seen each other in ages, and all of us were in our early 20’s- The legal drinking age where I live. We met up at a bar on a rainy day. My friend and crush were still together, but I was somehow sandwiched in between those two- due to to weird seating arrangements. My “friend” wanted to talk to me and catch up with me, while another friend wanted to talk with my crush. I decided to tough it out and deal with it. We all got our drinks (I think I got a red wine? Bloody Mary? I don’t know-it was red.). I had a red one, with a glass AND the bottle. Both were mine. Everyone was getting along. I was exhausted and just sitting there, writing a journal entry on my phone. All of a sudden, my “friend” gets this idea and reaches OVER me to kiss my crush on the lips, and things get a bit heated. Everyone stopped what they were doing, staring at them. She looks at me, smirks, and continues kissing him. I just sat there in shock. After tolerating her through the about 15-19 years of our “friendship” (if we were in our early 20’s, then I’m estimating around that number) and all the shit she’s done, I decided I had enough. I unleashed an F-bomb, and drank the rest of my drink chugged down the bottle (it was a relatively small bottle), and I remember getting really dizzy, nauseous, and things getting a bit blurry. I paid the bartender, and stumbled myself out of that hell hole. Next thing I know, I’m in the street, trying to get to my car, and I fall- unable to get up. The rain pours down even heavier, and I hear a loud noise, bang, and see a bright light. After that, it was like I was watching my own death. Like my soul left my own “body.” I think it’s a telling of an outcome in my future. If I have dreams that are too realistic(well I don’t know about the alcohol part, since I never drank any) then it might happen in real life. It keeps happening to me, and I sound crazy when I tell other people about it. It was too realistic, though. Everyone’s appearance, voice, and clothing were surprisingly detailed. It’s like my mind time traveled to see what they’d look like in the future, and came back and put that into my dream. It was weird. Welp, if this is how I’m gonna die, and have a crappy friend in the process, then whatever lol