It's Not A Game. Or Is It?

Date: 3/10/2017

I was a teenager in high school. I made excellent grades but I was still tortured by the people at school. It was as if my grades didn't matter at all, all my intellect wasn't even counted in my favor. I was getting really pulled down by the weight of this and was thinking my solution was to run and away and become homeless. I had a few friends from school. One guy who was a gamer and a lot older than a teenager. And a girl who lived in her car homeless and dated this homeless dude on the street. We went out together and then back to her car which was parked across the street from the school. Her homeless boyfriend show up at her car. He was really depressed. I mean severely, suicidal even. He also remained a bit stoned all the time too. I was watching the girl maneuver stuff around. Basically living out of a car was difficult work. It left me feeling many things, a bit disillusioned, and weirded out. Also like I wanted to go home. And also a bit snobby, like this wasn't really homelessness, she was a faker because she lived out of a car. I'm not sure what happened next, I know it wasn't anyone's fault, but very suddenly in the middle of the afternoon in broad daylight the homeless boyfriend died. I'm not sure how he died but he was standing outside the car when it happened. It happened literally mid conversation, and it wasn't a heart attack or anything. He just died, it's possible something happened and it was an accident but it felt like it wasn't anyone's fault really. But I realized it was too real. He lay there, naked with his penis tucked between his legs. How he got naked I don't recall he was dressed when he was alive. And it was nice of the dream to censor his privates. His skin was really white, there was a bit of blood near his chest. I had never seen a dead body before, I knew this, and I felt this wave of sadness. I recall sinking to my knees next to him in the grassy area before the sidewalk. The girl, his girlfriend, was more shocked than upset. Finally they started to panic. The dude, the gamers first made a joke about not being the one to call this in. The girl agreed and they told me to call 911. I was really reluctant because I didn't know what to say. They assured me it would be okay, but I didn't know what to say and suddenly I thought about it and it was crystal clear they were going to leave me to explain. Ditch me after I made the call. I was upset because I didn't even know the guy, we had just met. How could I act upset about him dying. I was but I now wasn't even feeling that shock I was feeling guilt and fear. The guilt was somehow attached to being with him when it happened. I felt so guilty he was dead. It had sunk into my​ heart. But it was easily buried in the panic of possibly going to jail. I realized aloud they were going to think I did it. My friends were quick to maneuver. No, they showed me ice in the back seat, on the seat itself melting, a few plastic tupperwares were strewn about to hold it. They told me I was to explain using the ice we were going to have a picnic. For some reason they cleaned up his body with ice. They were acting crazy suspicious and fearful and guilty too. I tried to rationalize they felt grief differently than I apparently did. I still felt their actions were wrong in a way. The whole time I was living out this scene with the homeless dead guy and my friends, the gamer guy is narrating a game he is playing. It's like I see flashes of real life and the game, it switches between, and I don't see this is weird at all. He is playing a deep sea game, or perhaps it's part of a larger world game. In this part his character is a small baby whale swimming round a few parents. He brags about all the tricks he's managed to make it do. He even says he can make it have sex with the other whales. I think because it just looks like pixilated characters are having sex it doesn't really count. I had seen other games where they actually could have sex and this wasn't like that. Then he starts talking about how he outsmarted this huge sea worm, it's size was titanic. The baby whale was like a chicken to a T Rex. This sea worm pursues the baby whale and it suddenly becomes my avatar, I'm playing the game not the gamer guy. I knew from his chatter I had to knock down the massively tall underwater columns. They were skyscraper status and bisected the sea floor and the ocean top. If I toppled them all I won that section of the game. The sea worm was hunting me, I was using exploding grapefruit to stop it. Finally "real life ​" and the video game merge together. I was with the gamer and the girl. Apparently we had left the dead homeless guy and I didn't notice. They were sat in front of this huge expensive flat screen television. It was his house, and there was nothing it it, no furniture or anything. So we all were sat on the floor in the dark. They were about to play a video game of their own but I was much farther back playing the whale game on a laptop. But I "woke up" because the grapefruit had rolled close to them, and the bomb to blow it up beside it went off already. The grapefruit bomb was set to explode. I warned them, but assured them it probably wouldn't be too bad. They complained they were just about to start their game and bitched about waiting. While we waited the sea worm was getting close and closer to the little whale avatar. The grapefruit hissed steam, and it was clear way hot and ready to explode but I woke before it blew up.