Home Depot Produce, Poison Tree

Date: 8/3/2017

1: I was shopping at a Home Depot in Nashville. It was huge and sitting on the edge of some blue and shiny second-story precipice in the middle of downtown. For some reason it sold groceries in addition to the usual supplies. I wanted to eat healthy and cook things from scratch, so I picked up a small green and orange pumpkin from the produce section. It looked good, but I bit into it to make sure. Not only was it dry and completely hollow, but there was another even smaller pumpkin inside of it that had holes in it, and was also very dry and hollow. I decided that Home Depot, or this particular one at least, was not the best place to buy fresh groceries. 2: I was given an assignment in which I had to be dropped onto the top of a tall, barren tree by helicopter and slide down its brown trunk. Afterwards I had to go in a small room with a computer and complete a paper that involved analyzing data. The tree was known for causing some sort of skin reaction in most people who slid down it, but when I slid to the ground down its somewhat wide trunk, I only had cuts and bruises. I bragged about this to someone on the ground a while afterwards, but they pointed out that I was having a reaction. I looked down and the areas where I'd been cut and scraped by the tree were swelling and deforming. My skin was forming flaps and creases that I could pull apart, and strange excess skin in places. I noticed that I'd developed what looked like a small flaccid penis hanging off the back of my left forearm near my elbow, and started going around showing my "arm penis" to people. When I went in to complete the analysis, it was too difficult and annoying of a task even though there was another person right next to me who seemed to be doing just fine, and I gave up, lamenting that I'd get a failing grade. I hoped I could still pass whatever class or greater test this was, and not have to slide down the tree again.