Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 6/14/2020
By Machman
I am returning (to where I don't know) from an event or party with my dad and younger sister Elaine. My sister is a young girl, probably about 7 or 8 years old. My dad is younger too but I am an adult (although possibly younger than I am now). It then becomes apparent that we are in Germany as we approach an U-Bahn station. It also becomes apparent that I do not know where the fuck I am going and that I am dependent on my dad n sister to find out where exactly to go. I then suddenly lose track of them as they have slipped ahead and they have mingled with a group of Germans who are having problems getting through the tripod turnstiles (U-Bahns don't have turnstiles like we do in 🇬🇧, they are so efficient and organised - I bet the Krauts are fed up hearing that from us "Oh you British with your toilet humour 💩") . Actually I need to be careful what I am saying here or this will get pulled like that Don't Mention The War episode of Fawlty Towers from UKTV during the week. It's PC gone mad, eh gammons? Well actually no it's not really as not only was Fawlty Towers cringeworthy shite, it was offensive too. I am glad this discussion is being had now. Yeah Churchill was a great leader and faced down Hitler but he was a horrible racist and white supremacist as well. I don't think we should be pulling down his statues and throwing his legacy in the bin but nor do I think we should just sweep his obvious flaws under the carpet...... ....Deep breath. Got a wee bit side tracked there. So where was I? Oh yes, super efficient Deutschland..... As I approach the tripod turnstile I skip ahead of the Germans having problems by going through the left gate as they are holding up the one on the right. A guy in "railway official" uniform explains to me (in English with a German accent) that they had purchased the wrong group ticket. If they had split into two groups instead of all trying to get in under the one ticket then they would have been fine. Inside the station I head downstairs and realise that this place is massive, like a hub station that serves a whole range of different lines. I am not sure where I have to go as I stand in the concourse of large hall which serves as the access point to all the different lines. I then see a sign and there's a station name I recognise (I think it was Woeberg or Wöberg - which does not exist according to Google Maps). I now know that I have to continue down the stairs I was heading down originally and head towards platforms 6/7. On the way down I realise that Platform 6 is on one side of the tracks and 7 is on the other side. So if I go to the wrong platform then I could potentially get on the wrong train or miss the one I need to be on. Suddenly I find myself speeding down the tracks. I am not on a train. It is a first person view of the tracks. I speed past the platforms, go through a tunnel which splits in two (I go left) then arrive at the next station. I am then heading down a set of stairs onto the platform and see a train pulling out of the platform on the other side. It is going in the opposite direction to the one I need to go so I finally know I am on the correct side. I then find myself outside and in an undercover market area. Not a posh one like you'd find in some idyllic English market town where everyone votes Tory, have perfect houses with perfect lawns and drive a stupid fucking car that is way too big for the road. No this is proper gritty undercover flee market type stuff like you get in the East End of Glasgow. The type where it smells of cheap burgers and fried onions and people have been up since 1am to claim a prime location so as to sell their old tat for beer money. I fucking love Glasgow so I do 🏴 Anyway. There is what looks like a burger van to my right as I walk past it and the guy who owns it is directing people to a viewing area facing the van. I join the audience. Inside the van are two two adorable kittens, like the poor tragic things in the first episode of Don't Fuck With Cats (which I watched the first two episodes of last night). They are both licking pink ice cream out of cones. The audience want to see the kittens up close because they are so cute but the guy is building tension. He instead brings over the cones so that the audience can sniff them! He then brings out a large metal tube that turns out to be a 📣 megaphone. He hands it to an audience member who talks into it but nothing happens. The second guy realises that he has to stick his head inside to get it to work. As he does so some material ribbons fall out the other side of the tube. They are still attached to the tube and appear to be part of the megaphone's mechanism. As he is talking the condensation created by his head being inside the tube drips out and falls onto the ribbons.