Her, again.

Date: 8/16/2018

Ugh. I was awake for a long time so this was a really deep sleep, makes for very vivid dreams. I was on vacation in... Italy I think, I went alone. I was texting a friend about arriving to the hotel, it was a guide group tour kinda thingy (I'm gonna skip detail to keep it short) After a few scenes of me going through the lobby, sitting down at the launch room table to meet my guide, there she was, sitting on the other table in front me, as I sat we both saw each other.. And I think both of us had the same thought at that moment- "aww no..". On one hand, I know that just thinking about her hurts me.. So having her near me isn't a good idea again, leads to false hope, leads to more depression. On the other hand, of course I was kind of glad to see her... Just us alone.. We were staring at each other, I was really thinking of I should go and sit next to to her, start neutral... I hesitated. She texted me and then looked at me again, message reads something along the lines of "We have a little problem, don't you think?" which confirms we're both on the same page even though we never talked about this. Then she started getting all philosophical, it was weird, her text came up on my sight even though I was not looking at my phone, I was staring at her, and her messages passed to me like some sort of telepathy. One of her last philosophical-like sentences indicated to me that she was regretful, she was asking the same "What if?'s" I've been torturing myself with for years.. It ended up with her hinting a suggestion for a second try, I just replied "I love you too" -"for how long?" "Since forever, always" Dream later phases into a scene, us two, traveling and enjoying the vacation together, sight seeing, holding each other... The same old "happy ending confession" niche that all the other dreams about her end like. I was so sleepy and immersed, I had slept only 4 hours- before my mother rudely woke me up. As always, I was fooled by my own dreams, too immersed into my fake world that even a few seconds after waking up, I get the lingering feeling of having her love for real, followed by the realization that it was all fake, not real.. It really felt like I lost all I've ever wanted in an instant. Just like every other dream The brain is a wonderful thing.