Hidden jealousy and insecurities

Date: 8/20/2017

I was with someone. An old crush walked by and taunted me. I was then with my partner. We walked around. I felt upset. It was a cut to her on a bridge with someone else. I cried. I know that I killed them- stabbing? - but I blacked out the memory of doing so. It goes black, and then I wake up, on a floor. It looks like a small room, with a nurses station in front of it. I'm on the floor, sitting cross legged when I woke up. My eyes feel dry, crusty with tears. A nurse walks in. She calls another. All I can see is the first nurse. She asks if I remember what I did. Tears begin to fall again, but all I can say is "we broke up..". The nurse holds me close as I begin to scream and sob. I still don't remember that my partner died. I don't remember why or how. I began going to meeting type of things- people trying to talk to me, figure things out. What's wrong with my brain? I don't really look anywhere except for at the floor. I remember walking on a raining day, watching the ground with an aide or nurse walking with me. I see something mundane- a puddle? I sink down and begin sobbing again, I can't hold it together. I scream and cry and the tears stream out of me. I'm so tired and empty. What have I done? Where is she? Why isn't she helping me? I'm so, so empty. I feel like my whole heart, stomach, brain are all missing. There is nothing left to me. Then I wake up in the real world.