Destined to leave the Dream

Date: 5/24/2019

I woke up inside the dream from a nightmare. In the nightmare my mother (irl) attacked me. It's vague but I recall either I defended myself by slashing at her with some sharp knife, or that was the attack and she kept cutting me. My face, my hard, my arms, slashing and slashing downwards. I was laying down trying to wave her off from that position, begging her to stop. Feeling truly helpless and disbelieving it was actually happening the way one actually feels when tradegy occurs. And then I woke up. Inside the dream. We had a nice house, it was familiar and comforting. I had a father, older. (I recognized him from real life as my therapist of all people.) I wanted to go to school. Or I had been traveling and was visiting home? Either way I kept preparing to leave, preparing to pack the next day or actually packing. He disagreed. He did all but refuse to let me. My things got packed oor unpacked when I wasn't looking. It wasn't him doing it physically I think it happened because he wanted it to. Life was tense in the house. Worse thing was I got younger. I began adult side, similiar I guess to reality. But I was definally getting smaller. I remember this because once i had to stop him. I literally sat him on my lap, like he was the child but I was and he was adult size, and told him he had to stop. I cupped his face when I said this and he was so distraught. What did he have to stop doing? I can't recall what it was exactly but I think I was something like dispair and controlling behavior wrapped into one. Later I was younger still and trying to get to a party. It wasn't some teen loud dancing party but a sophisticated award ceremony type thing, mostly for adults. But this time I had all my suit cases with me, three wheeling down the suburban streets at night. Some kids tried to get me to a party they wanted to go to but I didn't trust them. The last time I had taken my stuff somewhere with people who I didn't trust it all disappeared. I didn't want to lose everything I owned. Later still I entered a candy shop. I ended up breaking a lot of those pinwheel lollipops, you know the big ones you eat on for a week. It was satisfying for them to crash to the floor, but it had been an accident. I was clumsy. My father found me here and tried to take me home. Somehow I ended up unconscious but watching the rest of the dream. My mother showed up. Here she was a demon, some dream mother who wore red and was gorgeous and sinister and made vague threatening premonitions. They spoke about how it was almost time, and about me, about how he had to let me go. There was something I had to do. I had magic and there was a 'next' for me. He refused and took me home, picking up my small body from admit the crushed and broken candy debris. It stayed night outside. At home, even the house was dark. Even with the lights on the lamplight barely sunk into the corners. He lay me on a couch and stood thinking for a while. After a few moments he made a decision. He was going to cut off my left hand. It was okay, it would grow back. I wouldn't even know it had been gone as I was still asleep. But he knew it would do something and he was at the end of his rope before having to concede to release me. Upstairs in my bedroom the wall had a thin light coming out of a crack. It was meant for me, my way into the future. But he meant for me to wait, to stay, to wait forever. After he decided to cut off my hand someone came to the door. It was police wanting to see me. He knew this before opening it. He used magic to cut off my hand ans change my clothes. My had was repaired in a blink and the police just looked at me sleeping and saw I was fine. I wasn't one they were looking for. I looked very small now. Dressed in something like a black catsuit and a Victorian gown. I was the side of a toddler, if one stretched the toddler like taffy in a cartoon. I was thin, abnormal to reality thin, and small with light brown hair. The catsuit had strips on parts of it which glowed blue.