Childhood Cages

Date: 5/12/2017

I was out on some street I didn't recognize and I came across an entrance to the library. This was a fancy rich library which took up many buildings and usually was only accessible from the rich part of town. I must have turned down some wrong street. I turned away a couple times, intending to find the main library and the adult section, this building was the children's library and they weren't attached to each other. But each time I turned away, down a different street, I ended eight back where I was. After a few times like this I gave up and went inside. It was dark wood everywhere here, and reminded me more of a privileged college library or an anime library than a children's library in the city. There were a couple of posh women at the visitors desk. I felt very self conscious walking in, since it was a children library. But i dutifully went upstairs, it was mostly stairs, and I found a little nook with a window between two towering shelves. I actually found the book I was looking for, a children's book, large and tall and thin, and it was exactly what I had needed. It was the answer to my questions. However even while in the dream, or soon into the next, I forgot what it was about. ~ I went to house, which after being there seemed awfully familiar. It was empty of course, as if no one lived there now, and the back room felt like a prison cell to me. I don't know why, it just had that dark miserable energy. While I watched the dining room floor changed from hardwood to glass, beneath it a highlight of all the meals I would have to eat over the course of a month or year or lifetime. They were all prepared and served and each inside a little white cubby of their own, and you could see them through the glass floor. I could see the spaghetti most prominently as it was first, sitting on the corner with only the cubby walls behind it. I did pause a moment, thinking the floor changing was strange, but it quickly left my mind. The door rang and the others were in the dinning room and the back. I let them stay mingaling, the man I hired was here. He was teaching us how to write, I desperately needed lessons for I was blocked. He had been teaching us for a week now, but at the door he told me it was no use for me, I wasn't getting it. I told him I was, it had been making all the difference hum teaching us and I proceeded to have a bit of an emotional break down right there. I begged him to help me figure out why I was blocked, I selfishly didn't even tell the others he was here. He spent the next few hours trying, I kept getting more and more upset. Somehow writing was synonyms with painting and i was often at the wall where a blank picture hung with a paintbrush in hand, him standing there demanding I write. Sometimes I was at a divan in the middle of the front room where we were, and he was talking to me earnestly. Once he made a face like I smelled while he was talking but kept talking. I smelled myself self consciously but I smelled fine. Then I smelled the blanket and it was rank, like I hadn't showered in weeks under the blanket. He, didn't noticeme smelling, instead was saying nice things but kept pushing me to realize and uncover the real reason behind why I couldn't write. The darker reason, to do with my childhood and mother. I didn't think I was going to do it, I felt I might go insane first, but finally I broke through, I realized why I can't write and why I've been blocked. Sadly I forgot that epiphany too, as the next dream began. ~ I was at a dinner party with my mother and several people. Finally write had gotten a table into that room. It was a nice party, but this girl had a new gadget which was like goggles and she put her google phone into them and spend the dinner watching or playing some game. Finally I felt it was so rude I demand she leave, and twice I made a joke about slitting her throat and I laughed and laughed and laughed each time I made it. Outside, in the middle of the party my mother changed her clothes from a nice party dress, to a bathrobe and slippers and pajamas pants. There was something squishy and blue I her bathrobe pocket. All the patterns were clashing too, and I was embarrassed she was at a party like this. ~ There was a huge glass domed complex that I was shut inside. My mother and her mother made a deal to shut me away inside this place, the government or a huge organization liked to put people away in cages once they became a nuisance to society. Inside I found a lot of things which I hadn't known existed before. There were dinosaurs, millions of them, different species than had ever been reported. In fact none of the known dinosaurs where there, but these were all alive and in herds and many had broken feet, broken by mammoths on the wild. Apparently mammoths were much bigger than reported because these dinosaurs were huge, massive. A few tiny dinosaurs, like chicks with stone arms and tiny fluffy penguin shoo'd away other dinosaurs from stepping on the hurt dinosaurs feet. I was sad their wasn't a doctor which could help the dinosaurs mm but I did multiply the tiny helping dinosaurs into hundreds so their feet would be safe. Soon after I was placed here my grandfather was put in here too. It's because he want fast enough to respond to what they wanted, he took his time eating dinner and they didn't like that. When they brought him here he had a Tofu scramble sandwich hidden in his pocket and he was still hungry. I was mad they didnt let him finish eating. The entire place was full of water at first, but I managed to get a gang together and we drained out a lot revealing huge plateaus which had steaming waterfalls and gorgeous jungle foliage. It was like stepping back in time, and despite the glass domed enclosure, it was an amazing place. I kept trying to make things uniform, but it was more like nature in it's design and resisted me. ~ My father was there someone, he was actually a writer too, and he wrote stories which were portrayed in hair growing in uniform clumps out of a canvas where the stories played out. Each story was two minutes long, very short stories, and they were all about horses run in, stallions, or a stallion which was this burnt umber color with dark socks and mane ~ My Nana was evil in this one. For a while I was in a house which was attached to the complex, hidden inside the mountain. I was in a little girls room, it was pink and I wore a dress and it was very posh, lots of delicate pink laces and expensive toys and furniture. But i made a mistake of touching her grandmother's ceramic set, it was a small delicate thing with a bunny inside a box and little flower pot. I got it out of to rage to give to someone, which was okay, it touching it was off limits, and when I find she sent me back to the complex to be killed.