I have an eating disorder too.

Date: 7/5/2019

I was at my community college, walking with two girls from my class. We were all walking as a class to do some poetry reading or something outside by the pond. There is one girl in the class who talks a lot about having mental illness and being really skinny and skipping meals a lot. Last class in real life I mentioned that I also find it energizing to not eat during the day. She agreed with me. Sometimes I almost resent the fact that she is so open about her mental illness and having been hospitalized when I am so apologetic about the way I feel about my own writing of topics of the same nature. Back to the dream: we are walking out to the pond by the school and her and another girl are talking about having eating disorders. I decided enough is enough. I was tired of being excluded. I walked up and say, “You know, I have trouble too. I don’t eat during the day and hardly eat for days but then I binge all at once and gain the weight back.” They looked at me and nodded their heads saying some words of compassion. One of them said something like, “oh you must be really mad then.” I was sort of stammering out some negative response to their question since I was not mad just of course wanting to be heard, when the dream ended or I woke up.