My wedding day

Date: 1/20/2025

My wedding day with NEP, I’m at rehearsal with my brother in the local church and he’s mean and offensive to me, mocking me or denigrating me for various reasons. We verbally fight and I get irate! Why doesn’t he mind his own business and leave me alone?? I’m already under so much stress only because of the wedding! While I think all that and yell back at is I’m swinging one of those incense dishes priests handle in catholic churches. It’s yellow and sort of hollow and I’m afraid I’m making a mess. When I get home to get changed for the real ceremony, my closets are crammed with my brother’s and dad’s clothes, everything is soooo messy and dirty! It looks NEP’s dad’s closet and I can’t find my stuff and I’m running late. And I realize I planned nothing at all, didn’t style a look for my own wedding! I feel miserable! My toe nails and nails suck and I feel so bloated and uncomfortable in my body that nothing would fit! I decide I’ll go for a tweed sort of suite with blue pants and blue heeled sandals, but I don’t seem to be able to fish them out of the closet. My dad’s by my side, he helps me choose, but doesn’t care much about what I’m gonna be wearing. And my brother is still mocking me and telling me I got no ring and that I don’t make enough money to cover for all the expenses. And then I’m so late!! Don’t even have time to brush my hair or teeth and I snap at them both, thinking about NEP waiting for me at the altar! I yell at them: “wtf are you guys doing here??? At least run tell Noel I’m late but I’m coming!”. I’m not quite sure where or when exactly I’m supposed to show up at church and walk down the isle. I’m afraid and ashamed everyone will be staring at me. Some of my relatives have come although the ceremony was supposed to be very private… Isa and her family signed a huge card for me and gave me money as a gift. Dad suggests I give them the money back, since I’m not inviting them to the reception - that I haven’t planned by the way!, and I get even madder!! Why on earth should I return the money?! It’s a gift!! And dad says something like “because your brother didn’t receive anything”. I feel so betrayed… my brother didn’t get married, I think!! When his time comes, he’ll have his money!! Everything feels so unfair about this dream! My dad and brother are like completely different people than irl, they act like strangers and say things that would never come out of their mouths!! I wake up literally panting and it takes me a while to go back to sleep. When I do, I know I start lucid dreaming of the same thing again, but forget when exactly happened.