Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 8/6/2018
By AJacobs
I was dreaming of Sara, someone I'm trying to get in contact with who I haven't talked to in a couple years but I thought I saw biking last week. Firstly, I think I met her in my first dream of different circumstances. But I can only remember what I think took place between 7:35 and 8:04 in between my alarms. I was at a gas station, which is weird 1. Because I don't have my license or a car (I don't have my license because I don't have a car and I don't want our insurance to go up by getting a license). 2. Why would I be in a gas station regardless... 3. Why would Sara be in a gas station... I recall walking around inside. It was big like a mini market or something and there were actually lots of people in this place. I do remember there being a GIANT jar of Nutella that was open that I took a couple thumbfuls of (after possibly I saw one guy do the same, kind of gross, but oh well. My sub conscious was hungry). I don't think I got anything, but I go to the front by the checkout and I see Sara smiling as bright and wide as always in her face. This next part is real life. I was biking to marching band camp (as an instructor) last Thursday and I saw two cyclists headed towards me on the trail after the bridge. I didn't really think much at first, it wasn't like I wasn't looking at them, I just doubt I was paying them any mind. Except in the last split second, she passes me, and I see her smiling as ever but with (possibly reflective) sunglasses on. I pass by and my brain flicks into overdrive. I smile at the second cyclist who I think is her mom and then watch behind me as I round the bend. I'm going to be late for band if I stop and I just keep going. Cursing myself for not paying more attention sooner. Blaming myself for not even saying hi to the second cyclist, possibly Sara's mom. Damn, I should've worn a helmet (but that does give us a slight thing to talk about). I mean, I guess by the second cyclist I was essentially in... shock. I kind of wish I had gone back, but this gives us more to talk about in the future... hopefully. _________________________________ Okay, so here I kind of go off on (even more of) a tangent and talk about her and me in High School, skip it if you wish. It basically says, I am kind of a social recluse and she is really important. _________________________________ Back in High School we both were always in the Symphonic Band I throughout until she left school our Senior Year. This is a little of me writing thoughts down. Throughout life, especially at school (high school and college for that matter... just life really), I run through simulations of conversations in my head a lot. But with her, doubleso. On the bus ride from the Senior to the Freshman campus after band during our first two years. I was always running through simulated conversations with her, what of relevance could I talk about, what might she laugh at, etc. I picked a seat according to how she might sit with or around me. This was in the front of the bus away from most of my other friends in the back. I wondered how much I should look at her and how much I should avert my eyes and how much I would turn and look at her. This ten minute ride was the probably the highlight of my day whenever I was with her. But I never DID anything. I'm now a 19 year that yeah, people tend like me, but I've never asked a girl out. Part of that, was me thinking about her being religious (Christian of course) and I am a Humanistic Jew, and part of that is me just over thinking things and not taking initiative just because I never really have. I will add one thing that she said my Freshman year in the band room around like homecoming or prom. "Do you have a girlfriend?" I hesitate for a split second, I want to say if I had one, it'd be you. But I simply then say, "No." "That's good." Even right afterwards, I wanted to add something that it would be her. But alas, I don't. I took that with about 85% certainty she said that based on religious reasons. But I have tortured myself with that conversation for now... four years. And I had figured, I can always ask her out later if I wanted... One last thing, I think the only really place I've been teased about not have a girlfriend(s) is at my work (for like four and a half years). One of my bosses thinks I'm a workaholic and says that I should be out and about chasing girls... ________________________________ Anyways back to the dream, enough with my real life. If any of you actually read all that... cool... if not, I hope you at least skip to read the rest of the dream. ________________________________ It is night by the way. So I see her at the gas station by the checkout and am right next to her. I say Hey. I don't remember much of the conversation if there is one. We end up out by their car (four door sedan, maybe early 2000's model). She has a friend with her who I remember trying to place when I was in the dream and then thought I remembered. But now that I'm awake I notice that she was a made up person that was kind of an amalgamation of a couple people who don't even know Sara or have anything to do with band. Her friend seems skeptical of me. Sara's mom gets in the driver's seat. I walk around to the passenger side where I think she is sitting in front (I thought she was in the back, maybe that was just her friend... idk such is dreams). I think her friend gives me a piece of paper, then snatches it back and replaces it with the correct one (a phone number). I ask what the first one is and she says something about covering her knees. Essentially it is a couple of notes on how I innapropriately acted (as all boys do). I ask if I can see what I messed up on but am denied. Quick note, yes, she's religious, but my dream blew this way out of proportion. We say goodbye and I head back to my car, a blue Honda Pilot. I think I actually get in on the passenger side. I see Sara's sedan stopped to my right, I presume making sure my car starts. As soon as I get in, my car immediately starts backing up. I turn on the parking break and scramble over to the driver side. I hit the brake and turn the wheel but keep sliding, avoiding some screaming people but hitting a bumper of at least one car. Perhaps it is icy. I did want to say their was snow on the ground earlier but I'm not sure. I briefly considered driving away, but am about to get out of the car when I woke up. I am thinking, damnit I fucked it up, how can I apologize, at least I have her number. Then I settle down, no, I still don't have her number, all is regular. Oh well. That was just one more simulation of me being around her.