Outside of Everything

Date: 6/29/2017

I was dreaming of a Werewolf, very big and close in my room. It bit my left index finger and it hurt, I was afraid. Actually, I was scared like a child might be, and I woke up several times heart pounding with fear. But i didn't recognize my room in real life, my apartment was strange and I didn't know it. Everytime I fell back asleep I dreamt it again, and I recognized the little girls room in the dream, it was intimately familiar even in the dark I recognized it, whereas real life wasn't familiar at all. The fact I kept waking up scared then falling asleep and back into the same dream was very odd, nightmare or no. ~ I found out I had a sister I hadn't met. She had similar features to me. I went to meet her and I recognize her voice from when we talked on the phone. She was a lot like me, but a tad different. ~ I climbed some bleachers and sat out on the sea with a dog (or a cat) and just floated on the surface. It was nice, be so near the ocean. I could see the whole city, and I decide didn't was going to buy a boat house, so I was always on the sea. ~ I was running through and orchard, a lot of empty orchard which was attached to the city. I kept going on and on, as if I was being chased. But I might have been just running, and if I was being chased it was just by my guardian who wasn't amused but wouldn't hurt me. I was a child. ~ I saw New York City from the sea. Apparently it was an island surrounded by ocean and no other landmasses in sight. I was surprised that this is how it looked from the sea, it was beautiful, teaming with jungle forest life. Green overgrowth, waterfalls, animals and a bit of heat, all like a real jungle island. It was so beautiful. We rowed in a boat around it, there was always more to sea. I realized I hadn't known it looked like this, I hadn't appreciated it until I saw it's real beauty. ~ I was being kicked out of my apartment, it wasn't much of one tho. Just a dingy room in the dark at someone's apartments. But they invited me to go to a Christmas party first with them, I had to buy a present. Afterwords I would go home and get my stuff and get out I was rather upset over that. But I kept ignoring what would happen and I brought a pretty china doll in pink for the anonymous gift. It turned out to be a party for lesbians, and they were all very old friends. At first it was just uncomfortable being there and not knowing anyone. I wanted to leave right away but I didn't want to be rude. Presents kept getting passed around. I found out they had too many cats in the basement, and I could take any I wanted home with me. I was focused on this long haired cat, with fur so dark it was green and lay feathered around it. I loved its fur and I wanted it to come home with me. I was even picking out names. I was slightly concerned I wouldn't have a home that night. I made plans to go get a new apartment the next day, and a job. I felt it would be easy, no obstacles like usual. But the green cat didn't like me that much it didn't seem to focus on anyone much really. I still was determined to take it home, even tho I wasn't sure I was going to take a cat home. It was the only present I really wanted. Later I learned the presents we gave were supposed to reveal who liked who, I was upset. I didn't want some stranger thinking I liked her when I didn't. But on the whole I was mostly ignored. The party picked up with the arrival of more people. An older wheat haired woman sat next to me on the beach and accepted her presents. We chatted without enthusiasm, strangers other too shy to join in. She recieved a bra, with a strap that attached to her head and a side mesh pad which soaked up sweat. I told her I could see her wearing it while running alone. She didn't think it was practical for group running. I kept seeing cats I liked better, their fur patterns more the thing. I told the wheat haired woman about Emily Strange, from the comic, who had 4 black cats. I saw a cat which had 4 different black and white patterns, and black solid. His left ear was white with thin black stripes, a back right leg was also white with larger black stripes and the front left leg, charcoal stripes and white stars on top. The rest was solid black. He had short fur and it was almost crush like velvet he was thin and leggy and yowled before going back downstairs. I loved him immediately but kept thinking about the green cat. Why did I want a cat which didn't like me? More presents got passed out, some guy in an ernie costume brought stuff for kids. And suddenly there were a lot of elaborate toys. I kept waiting to see if I got any presents, so far I'd recieved none. But none came my way. It was a bit like being left out on Christmas. I enjoyed everyone's happiness but it was almost excruciating the longer it went on. People specifically didn't look at me.