Giant Talking Spider

Date: 9/17/2019

I'm in the loft of a barn telling someone that I saw the most giantest spider I'd ever seen, then there it is! At the bottom of the ladder. It's salad plate-sized at first, then more dinner plate-size, and orangeish with red-orange highlights. We freak out a little and leave the barn. (IRL my attitude toward spiders is pretty friendly because they eat flies and mosquitoes, but most spiders in my house are under an inch in size. So, anyways...) We're at the entrance of the cave-like barn now, and the spider is now about 3 feet tall; he feels scared and the sea anemone tendrils all puff up to make himself more intimidating, coming up to about 5 feet tall. He's yellow-orange with orange highlights in the light now. He opens his spider chelicerae and inside is a human mouth that starts talking to me. He sounds like a wounded moronic Jim Gaffigan character, saying something like, "I want you to go away and leave me alone now. But go tell people that I'm here and that I can talk." He scurries back into the cave barn. Now I'm at an office, doing my job, giving important urgent updates to my bosses. I strain to remember my endorser's name, feeling bad for forgetting especially in front of my boss, then remember. But I feel like all of this is getting in the way of telling people how I FOUND A GIANT FREAKING SEA-ANEMONE-SPIDER THAT TALKS AND IS PROBABLY AN ALIEN AND WANTS TO TALK TO US!!!