Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 6/9/2022
By Fitful
I had a new job or maybe I was just interviewing for it. It was with this guy who wanted me to work the computer for him. He apparently knew nothing about computers I soon found out. I was trying to open the right pages, show him how to do very simple things on the computer. He would make a muddle of it by trying to do stuff he didn't know how in the least intuitive way possible. It was frustrating. We went into a meeting, and he wanted to be able to give me orders while we were there, without being overheard. I worked for 39 minutes just to open an instant chat window and he kept closing it, kept getting frustrated I was attempting anything. Like I was the one not doing my job, though I was trying to do just that. Even though he kept thwarting me with his sheer incompetence. Finally though I was left alone with a divide and he got distracted with the client. I ended up tooling around, listening to music germane to the issue and working in a presentation for later. The family we were working with was a problem. A man was on the verge of being sued, accused of terrible things, but mostly was terrorized online. The accuser would bully him with false accusations on public forums that were damaging and untrue. We represented him. His accuser was difficult, the whole family of the accuser rallied to accuse him too. After a long while of listening to this someone gave me a sippy cup lid that fell in the floor. I kept dropping it, not sure I could keep it, but as we moved venues - from a small hole in the wall meeting room to the kitchen - I did pick it up and pocket it. My employer didn't want me to, made a disgusted face, but I did so anyway. Finally I was the one making arguments to the accuser of our client. I was let loose. She was this young thing, pretty in pastels, but terribly a fat young woman. A girl really. And by fat I mean easily 400 pounds or more. Terribly innocent and terribly stubborn. She refused to acknowledge she had lied and made things up. After a while of trying to get her to see reason, not just accuse him because he's a white man which apparently everyone hates these days, I asked her if she hated him. She said yes. I asked her if she hated herself. She said yes. And I realized it was all about self hatred. It was like epiphany hit and that was the sole reason for the false accusations, the anger, the online barrage. She hated her internal self. Afterwords I my employer took over and the family had a dinner party. The crowd became too much, no one much believed a thing I said up until then which made it hard to be in the too warm house, warm as they all were with each other and my employer even. I went outside, into the back garden yard and it was cool and dark and blessedly quiet. I sat against the back fence, found a spot in the dirt. Kids came out to be with me. Asked why I wasn't inside. I told them gently I didn't know everybody and didn't talk to strangers. They seemed disappointed so I shook all their hands and ended up finding more babies and children. Pets came too. Baby kittens of various ages, some new born even. Baby bunnies. Puppies. So many many kids and babies came out to surround me I was so happy felt so much peace.