Human knot

Date: 12/27/2019

I was in some sort of kitchen with a group of class mates, don’t remeber names in particular just that there were maybe fifteen of us in this kitchen/dining area. I remember being to the right of ellie and one person stepping in between us. We were asked to all hold hands as if we were doing the human knot but we never really twisted around. I was mildly annoyed that I wasn’t next to Ellie so we couldn’t hold hands but I forgot it quickly. Our instructor now told us to try and spread peanut butter on a slice of bread without letting go of the hands of the people around us. A couple people attempted it but gave up when the teacher told them to stop. Somehow the circle started dispersing until Ellie and I were the last ones. We moved around the room slightly facing each other I guess trying to be the only ones to complete the class while still holding hands. We looked each other in the eyes and I wasn’t scared, or self conscious. I was just enjoying myself and being with Ellie. As we stared into each others eyes ellie blurted out “staring contest” and I open my eyes up wider and then look away after laughing too hard. We are both still holding hands at this point in close proximity. Ellie then starts bobbing her head slightly toward mine gloating that she beat me. I then somehow go in for a kiss and it just feels natural. Ellie then squirms away releasing my hands and says “eww” but she is still smiling and on the verge of laughing. I smile and shake my head and we go collect or stuff since the bell wrang or something. My heart is still racing and for some reason I think its a great idea to do a back flip -in the class room. Thankfully I’m smart enough to check the ceiling and notice its too short and I might bump it. I then somehow do a slow-mo back flip and land weirdly I’m still a bit excited but now lying on floor where I landed. I didn’t hit the floor hard because of the slow mo and all, but I roll over to face the ceiling. everyone has already gone and I just let out some giddy laughter. Foot notes: I haven’t been crushing on anyone lately and don’t really have feelings for anyone either so I don’t know why I keep dreaming about her. I learned last year that trying to pursue any kind of relationship is just too time consuming and usually doesn’t work out for me. I guess my subconscious side might be wishing for a relationship or someone to love and laugh with. I guess Ellie was the closest I really had to a relationship and so my mind just fills in her name for the person in the dream. Also part of me feels like It was my fault that relationship ended. There are two things that come to mind right now, one “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else”. I just have so many insecurities and issues around people and I get so much anxiety getting close to people. I do want to cuddle and be close with someone but its tough to break out of my comfort zone and just live in the moment. and two “they should be a good friend before a girlfriend” this is still related to the comfortability of a relationship. You should establish some platonic connections with a person before you start doing anything romantic. There is more I could probably talk about here, but I feel I’ve talked enough to give context to this dream.