Tepid Faith

Date: 4/21/2017

I'm home again. I'm dealing with my mother again, and I'm visiting my little brother. He is very sickly, he gets better then worse all the time. But he's glad to see me. I feel so much love for him when I'm home. -- I'm being constantly watched by snipers. There is a war going on, and the world seems to be in chaos. Worse than a depression is going on, post apocalypse type problems. I sit and speak with my mother on the bathroom floor about spiritual things regarding the war. I confess a few things to her truths about my psychic abilities. -- The man who came with me, insisted on escorting me home, pops up in the bathroom doorway. He's a bit pompous and doesn't really fit with the company I keep. He says a few things then leaves. A bit later I find a camera in the wall, it's just a small digital camera you could by at the store and it's hooked up to a 20mb external hard drive with duct tape then sunk into a depression in the wall, where the plaster crumbled away. I'm upset because I just shared sensitive information. I hope I caught the camera in time. We conclude the camera came from my Nana, my mother's mother, and the guy who escorted me home was doing her bidding. We were both upset over this speculation. Apparently Nana was a major power in the war. -- I find my little brother with a dog. The dog I find being chased by a giant flopping carnivorous fish. There is no water nearby but the fish does seem intent on eating the dog. I rescue the dog and my little brother is so happy to have it back. I try and hold the dog to calm it. It's this little white dog but it's so terrified and has been so abused it screams every time I touch its body. I can't even pet it. My brother loves it tho, he says its much better than it was, he rescued it when it was a puppy and it was worse. I can't imagine. -- My little brother dies. At the age of seven and I am I just so broken. I can't believe he didn't live past 7. I am mad at my mother, I blame her. I know it was her fault for not keeping him safe. It was easy to do and she failed. I feel so sad, like he was my heart or some core of me. And my mother can't do anything to comfort, she just seems selfishly apologetic. ---- There is an Asian family, the dream switches to watch them. The wife is very subjugated. I think it's almost self inflicted tho. She deliberately wears her white wedding dress, veil and the rest, all the time at home. Someone asks her if she sleeps naked and she says she could never sleep naked. She says her sex might touch the bed then she'd be vulgar in her sleep. (This is her way of saying she'd maturbation against the mattress in her sleep if she slept naked.) Her husband, on the other than is often naked. We see flashes of him doing barbecue naked, laundry, and various things around the house. The double standard is obvious, but I think it applies to both the culture and the woman in question. ----- I'm back home again, and the war has suddenly lifted. The world is in awe, or at least this little corner of it. I must have done something miraculous because they are looking at me as if I'm a Saint or like Jesus or something. -- A religious leader (looking a bit like Abraham Lincoln), who had abandoned his post during the war, returns hoping to capitalize on the miracles and take over "the flock" again. He showed up at church. But before he can speak I show up too. People make way for me, they part to let me through and their faces... Struck with awe and tears. I don't want any of that, I don't want to be elevated and worshiped I want them to realize their own godself. I take a woman's finger, a random woman, and place it on a painting on the wall. Music plays and I imply without words the music is coming from her. I walk around the room and do this to several people, showing them they are god too. The religious leader isn't amused but doesn't say anything. -- Later someone tells me Theophagy means to eat oneself. I am pleased because I was looking for a word with that definition. In actuality it means to eat god.