Camping, then I became a man, then I almost died

Date: 5/25/2019

Starting off we were camping. I had a big camper that was really nice with running water and the works. I don’t remember how the trip went but I did run inside and try to change in a panic. There was water leaking in and I was worried but thought I would just park it at home and sort it out there. We get home and find some papers, they’re mine. Medical records. Mom finds them too and she’s angry. The back gate is different and there’s several dogs back there and I remember waiting when we were leaving and hearing the gates rattling. She’s upset because the doctors said that I’m not safe to be around. I try to explain it’s because I’m too depressed but too nice or something but she doesn’t get it and I am so depressed I decide I’m going to run away anyways. I leave a crate with the cats and try to leave the dog, but she runs after me. I run up the road and try to lose the dog I lay down and start rolling down the hill. At this point I remember I’m blind suddenly, and I just keep rolling around the neighborhood. Even though I’m running away, I don’t leave the neighborhood, I just roll into the furthest corner that I can. I forget that I’m blind I guess because I definitely can see. So now instead of being me, a female with my real life family, I’m this man and I have a daughter but this is all just a knowledge shift in my mind. I’m trying to hide in these bushes but the family I left my daughter with has another kid, a little one, maybe three, and they find me and are asking me questions. I’m some kind of Pokémon troll so I give them their quest and think I’ve tricked them but then they tell me my daughter misses me a runs off. Now I get up, dust myself off, and head into my house, which is tucked away on the corner of this hill. It’s dark and messy, and I go straight to my bed. I remember that I used to be anorexic and it shows, I’m all bones and it’s easy to fold up in bed and hide. I am hiding because the mom of the family I left my kid with apparently knows and looks after me, though she makes it very obvious it’s a chore she’s not the biggest fan of. She’s fed up with me, but I understand, and I don’t make it easy on her. She tries to get me to eat or to talk or to participate at all but I refuse. I hide my face in my shirt and stay stubbornly silent. Once she leaves, things are fuzzy. Next thing I remember is I show up at her restaurant. I think they set me up to come because I’m not happy to be there. I grab some chips and start eating but then remembering I’m anorexic and mad at them I start walking by tables and letting half chewed chips fall out of my mouth. Sometimes to make sure they’re paying attention I’ll actually scoop them out with my hands and drop them. The mom notices and is angry and shows me out. The restaurant is next to/part of a complex with a big theater where someone’s singing. I recognize the voice and go to peak in but I already know it’s my first love, some guy from ages ago (not anyone from my real life??) I panic that he’ll see me and I’m trying to run out, but I haven’t eaten in a long time and I pass out. The mom finds me but she wants me to reconnect with my old boyfriend so she gets this wild horse costume creation to hide herself in, I guess, and pulls me to my feet. She has an accomplice, and they take me back into a room and give me something that’s supposed to help. Next thing I remember, I’m out in a crowd and I’m nervous and worried and trying to hide and I know that I haven’t eaten in days and I think I’ve done some drugs on my own, and I pass out hard. I get taken to the hospital and I’m upset about this because I’ve been trying to hide from people and they’ll be able to find me this way. Now I’m some rando girl who’s also invested in this coming to visit at the hospital. The guy looks rough, as tough as he should considering how long it’d been since he’d eaten, etc. He’s so malnourished you can see the grooves of his skull in the top of his head and I’m really fixated on that. He’s sharing a room with someone and we realize it’s his sister and she’s just had a baby. She didn’t detach the umbilical cord yet, but it’s a weird tube/cap on the head that’s definitely not right, and the baby is tiny and red and looks more like a freshly hatched bird than a human baby but everyone’s gushing and telling her it’s so cute. Bam, I’m the guy again, and they bring in my daughter, and she recognizes me somehow even though I think it’s been years since I’ve seen her, and I’m crying because I’m so happy to see her.