Grief is not fun

Date: 1/10/2021

At the very end of a long plot filled dream that involved a pool party if sorts. My friends had come and gone, and I was just waiting with the adults for my parent to pick me up I don't remember what prompted me to go back out to the pool, but when I did if found my dad sitting in a lounging chair. As usual, during the dream I wasn't aware that my dad was dead, but this time it was different, rather than having a different/non-existent face like most people do when I dream, he looked exactly the same as he did when he died. Something inside me broke when I saw him, vivid as I ever have seen in a dream like this. He smiled and said "awww" when I ran up and hugged him. It felt real, my dad was alive, he came back. Then I woke up. You'd think that after two and a half years I'd have at least healed a little, but every time I see his face my world crumbles a little more.