Woke up crying, bf killed himself

Date: 5/27/2020

My boyfriend at the time (now my ex) had killed himself. I was freaking out. fast forward a few months I was walking but then I saw Austin, a mutual friend of ours. He was wearing a white shirt. I immediately started bawling my eyes out because seeing him reminded me of Ricky’s tragic death. We hugged. I woke up crying so hard and immediately called Ricky and told him how grateful I was that he was alive and that I love him so much (he struggles with depression in real life so suicide has always been a real concern for me) I had a very similar dream the night after this one. I was in a long line for free pasteries that was orchestrated by Jojo Siwa. I was in line with my brother. Then all of a sudden i found out that Ricky has killed himself. I was freaking out and crying so hard. I woke up crying and felt a wave of relief again once I realized it was all a dream. I called Ricky right away but he was still asleep. I wiped my tears, fell back asleep. Then I told him about the dream once I woke up the second time. I really do still love him and it pains me that our relationship just recently ended. Also even more painful that I found out he cheated on me. He truly never seemed like the person who would do that. He’s a long haired hippy dude that tries his best to take of himself and everyone around him. He’s normally sweet but gets agitated over simple things when his life gets stressful. I never thought of him as untrustworthy. I miss him but i no longer have faith in him. Once he realized how good I was to him I think he might try to come back but I know i can’t let him do that to me anymore. I hope he finds true happiness and finds God too. He’s not so sure about that kind of stuff and I think it would help him a lot.