Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 9/15/2023
By Ether_Erebus
I don’t remember the beginning, but I’m with Damien the new post-doc and we’re walking outside on campus but he says he’s a specific type of Enneagram personality (I’m pretty sure that’s the 16 personalities) and I’m like “oh, let’s check out the library for what that means”. I don't know why we didn't just check our phones for this, but it was a dream and sometimes logic doesn't really work here. We end up going to this library that’s kind of like an Indigo/Chapters bookstore with the way it's set up and laid out, but it has some magic in there. It’s Hogwort ’s-esque but not medieval maximalism like Harry Potter. Anyway, I go up to the front desk and ask about where I can find books about the 16 personalities and other social psychology stuff and the woman at the front is a Punjabi woman wearing a suit. She lets me know that the information/books will either be to the section to my right or the section wraps around to the back end of the library as well. I say thank you and walk over to the bookcase as she goes back to folding clothing and putting away rolls of cloth. It’s all super old-looking books and I’m standing there looking at them when I feel someone, a man, come and stand right behind me, just slightly to my left. He's taller than me and I don’t move because I already know who it is. He stands even closer, where the left side of my back is touching his chest and he speaks lowly to me, asking if I found anything. I say no and walk over to the left, removing contact and looking over more books. I know I’m upset with him and trying to keep my space. The man sighs and walks closely behind me while I continue to search. I end up not seeing anything that helps me figure out my question there, so I turn to my right and walk towards the back of the building. The man is no longer following me, and I have no idea where he goes. I make it to the back and see an old, frail woman smoking a cigar and sitting in a chair. She’s black and has her hair in locks (I don’t know if she’s Jamaican or African) but she’s sitting there, looking like she’s experiencing a lot of regrets, and across from her, there’s a coffee table with cups of tea or coffee. Further past the coffee table, a man is sitting in a matching chair, he’s white (maybe British) and he’s sipping on tea. Somehow, I don’t remember how, but I know there’s a history between them and they see one another every couple of years to catch up. I think they were in love but decided not to pursue it and that was the regret, the regret of “what if” not “I did that and regret it”. I don’t know what they’re saying to one another but somehow I know there’s something between them and it’s just in the air. I turned away from them and looked at the bookcase now in front of me, trying to find the book to explain the Enneagram personality question I had. Somehow, I’m handed an Indian suit that is a beautiful grey-blue colour and has a net scarf (chunni) with half-cut pearls all over it which are densely clustered along the edges, making a pearled edge. I don’t remember why I was given that but I remember knowing it was mine. I got to work folding the shirt and the salwar and when I got to the chunni, the same man from before came and wrapped his arms around me from behind and sighed into my ear. I didn't stop trying to fold the chunni, taking care to not jostle around the semi-circle pearls glued on. He held on a little tighter, squeezing me to get my attention but I just sighed and didn’t stop trying to gently fold the chunni. “I’m saying this once and I’m not saying it again. I can’t do this. I refuse to do this. I’m not going to get between you and her. I’m not yours.” I knew I said something along the lines of this, knowing that this man had a significant other but I’d only recently found out. He tried to convince me otherwise, trying to stop me from folding the chunni but I continued going on, refusing to make eye contact. Then, at some point, I murmured under my breath “These are empty promises. You know this and I know this too. I’m not doing this. Leave and please, don’t try to contact me again.” I was extremely calm the entire time, and I just wanted him to leave. He sighed, kissed the back of my head, and said something while letting go of me. I don’t remember what it was but I just remember feeling really sad and like a brick was on my chest. But it was the right thing to do so I breathed in deep and let it go, knowing that I’d made the right choice. After folding everything, I took the suit back to the front of the store and gave it to the person at the till, asking them to package it for me. I ended up not finding the book I was looking for grabbed the package and walked out. It was dark outside the library, I had no idea where Damien ended up being and then I woke up. Not going to lie, I have no idea why I thought of this but I vividly remember the way I felt and it nearly crushed me. I woke up sad and confused lol.