Guilt Eats At You

Date: 9/8/2019

There was a black hole in white ice and white crystals. It was very important there was a war around it. I was supposed to go into it, it was darkness, but I was stopped or I didn't want to. Or both. ~ I was starting at a new school. I was lying about everything, trying to make myself into something I knew everyone would like. I threw a lot of money around, at the school, at people, put on airs. And still something horrible happened. A crime. I covered it up, I had done something terrible. Suddenly I was lying to cover it up as well. I was secretly worried I'd get caught so I prete ded it didn't exist and kept trying to build a reputation. A small black square phone was being searched for by the police. One day when over at my house they found one under the small white Christmas tree by the door, purely by chance. I'd been trying to bw friendly but in my effort gave them too much leeway into my home. However, the phone they found was an old one of mine, broken, and no throne they were looking for. So I let them have it casually saying it was and old broken phone of mine. But then I worried something there might give me a way. A cloud I regularly updated to might have some evidence photo or something. They might fix it so it worked and find that possible evidence. I was worried. In a dark place, a dream perhaps, I was in a rage and dissecting myself, trying to see what it was I had done. Maybe I had actually committed a crime. So I recreated it in this dark room on top of a dark tarp. I had dropped the cake, a large bacl chocolate cake. I was devastated but I went through the motions of doing it again to job my memory. I took huge chucks of cake in my hands in the dark and ate freely, dropping huge pieces. They scattered around. I did this u til the cake was gone. My dog was there and wanted to eat the crumbs but it was chocolate so I picked them all up by hand. I felt better after having done the exercise. Later I turns out I had been covering for someone perhaps, or the story shifted and suddenly a rich fat man was to blame. The crime committed was something involving a car accident, but seen from the house. He covered it up. I had thought it was me, my guilt. Or it was but the dream decided to put it onto him. Either way suddenly he was caughtand in jail, rich man afforded comforts like a huge bed in this jail cell. He was very very fat and not a nice person. I recall hugging him once, maybe when I was a kid, I didn't like him though.