a bit of doom and gloom

Date: 8/13/2016

I lived downstairs with actors Clint Eastwood and Jesse Bradford (but his name was Scooby Orbz apparently). Clint was mentoring the both of us for his last few years before retirement probably. He was also like a father figure to us too. I also had a huge crush on Jesse and we both knew it but never acted on it or confessed. One day Clint is out and my dad visits me with Mia. Jesse's also out but I've been having some worrying thoughts about him. Something was off for the past few days, and I remember a conversation with him. More like a pep talk for me but deep down it was advice on what he needed someone to do for him to keep living. He was going on about seizing the day and doing things that scare you. "Send that text you overthink! Tell the person you like that you like them! Be the first one to smile at a stranger passing by!" I laughed and called him crazy that time. I start feeling regret. Dad gets ready to go back upstairs with Mia when I realize how long Jesse's been gone. Clint set us both up on Find my iPhone so I check it. My chest tightens up and dad notices. Every second I refresh he slowly gets closer to a body of water (it was near the riverfront). For a moment his circle stops at the end of a dirt road close to the riverbank. I continue to refresh and every second the circle moves faster towards the river until it ends up in it. I'm suddenly empty: no thoughts, no feelings. I bluntly tell dad my friend drove into the river and I need to go. Gabriella Bucci/Anaiza (the dream switched their faces now and then) promptly show up after the news. She's friends with him too and she's as shocked as I am but tries to think of the best and not the worst. "Maybe he jumped out at the last second," she says. "No, his car was going too fast." "He can swim, can't he? He could break a window open." I swallow a cry down and look at her funny for not knowing about how pressure works (I think this is false though and has nothing to do with being unable to break a window underwater). Instead o say, "No. He did this for a reason." She gets ready to go out and drive over to the scene. I ask to join her but quickly change my mind to take my own car because I wanted to think alone. It's dark now and I check Find my IPhone again while I'm sitting in my car. His circle has already moved somewhere else: a morgue. (I don't remember if i cried in the dream at all but it kicked me in the feelings when I woke up.) I go upstairs to be with my family. They act like nothing happened. I sit on the couch next to my brother who's browsing on his laptop while watching Netflix. I hesitate to tell Lexi what happened. Who he was and what he was to me and what I wish I could've done. I get distracted by the sky outside getting lit up by a meteor shower. A person stands in the middle of the street looking at it. Somehow I switched to Jesse's texts. I was ready to tell him how I wished he was with me to see the meteor shower. I was ready to tell him beyond the grave. Then something weird happened with the sky. It began changing colors from dark to orange and yellow. I see the person look to their left in a panicking manner and quickly run the opposite direction. A puff of cloud rumbles through the street as the night gets brighter and brighter. A videogame style death screen pops up on my brother's laptop. A nuclear fallout. But it's not real, or so I think it was.