POTATO

Date: 7/12/2016

pretty quick one, I was on my way to my boyfriend's house. thought I'd surprise him. I think he is having a party? and I also think I was the only one who didn't know about it. think I wasnt invited. I was bringing something. didnt have a clear vision of it yet. i arrived at his neighborhood, although it was somewhere different i havent been to before. his friend and him were neighbors. i passed by his friends (guy) house, got myself stuck for a second by something like my bag got stuck on a wrecked screen door. it was a screen door from his friends house so when i got stuck, his family saw me. they were all lying in bed and they look really uncomfortably comfortable. something like that. the place it seemed is that of a squatters area. saw his friends brother, lying in bed watching tv with his parents and they all looked at me for awhile as i got stuck at their screen door and then went back watching tv. i just smiled an awkward smile and hurriedly got myself off. and then his friend saw me as he was heading inside and he just smiled at me. i think he just finished doing the laundry becos he was bringing a planggana. i was on my way and my boyfriend's house was just 2 doors after his friends and the area was super small so it had to be just 3 meters away. when i went inside i was in a hurry and i didnt know why. i think i was expecting my boyfriend home alone, and i was surprised becos everyone was there including his sister and nephew. they were the first ones i saw. i approached his nephew and pat his head and he smiled at me. he was playing with a tab. then his sister appeared and smiled at me. but a something kind of smile. like i wasnt welcome there or something. and then his mom appeared and smiled the same kind of smile. i immediately thought something was going on and i didnt know about it. when i turned away from them to go to my boyfriend who is sitting topless with his face on his phone all wrapped up in a couch and ddnt even bother to look at me, I saw his married boss. she appeared with a working attire and she looks like she has been there for quite awhile. and then i immediately scanned the place to look for her son who she always brings around when she goes out thinking maybe he was playing with my boyfriends nephew but i ddnt see him anywhere so maybe she was alone. so i asked here, "naa lagi ka diri?" and then she told me exactly, "alangan naman naa ko sa south" she was so sarcastic i had to turn away from her and then this woman approached me and held my arm like she thinks she knows me and she started talking.. telling me things like "nagpa hi daw si a*** ana si e***" and i think i only heard the word "a***" so i kept on asking her to repeat it for me 3 times.. and then after the third time she was saying something gibberish that made sense to me in my dream and to which i replied, "umm you got the wrong girl mam" and then i turned away from her and i think she was convinced she ddnt really know me and got embarrassed as i turned away it really occurred to me that there is something going on and i wasnt invited at the something that was going on. i heard someone talk something about "cooking spaghetti" i think it was my boyfriends sister in law, i ddnt really see where the voice came from. so i turned towards my boyfriend and i was really hurt deeply because he was not paying attention to me. he was still on his phone and he seems really entertained by whatever it is he is seeing. i felt really out of place and disappointed becos i was really planning on surprising my boyfriend by not telling him anything about me going to his house. i felt embarrassed and humiliated so i turned to him and threw him the thing i was holding onto and it was a bag of raw potato fries for cooking and i immediately told him with something in my voice that screams hurt and disappointment and told him i have to go. i think i cried while searching for my slippers.. and you know what. my slippers, both of each were broken. i dont know what happened to them. so i just went on, i know i like to play the martyr in real life. i always like getting hurt, so i just cried it out and walked with my broken slippers thinking about how miserable i am. in the corners of my eyes and the feeling of my back, i saw my boyfriend got up and get something. to which i was really hoping a shirt for him to wear so he could follow me outside. but i just kept on.. slowing my pace.. hoping he would chase after me and go all over it again with his sweet words of security that i know would be my weakness every time and then he would make everything alright. then i woke up