Wtf (???!???)

Date: 3/16/2017

My mom walked into my room and told me to wake up so she could put up "ceramic or metal" signs in the yard. Idk why she needed to but I did and when I went downstairs my dog grew up to my height (5"3') and started talking in German (he's a German breed). I figured out that he said "open the envelope" and so I turned around to look for an envelope but instead there was a freaking mob boss just chilling on our patio (he wasn't ugly but wasn't exactly regular looking) and I figured he was a mob boss because I asked - which was hella stupid of me).