Brother's Death Blamed On Me

Date: 9/17/2019

I had a dream I got into an argument with my brother because I saw some older dude and said something to myself TOWARDS the dude, and not DIRECTLY AT him. And we were just full on screaming about it back and forth and I squirted my GoGurt on him in anger and left. And the next thing I know, my mom's coming on the third floor to tell me he shot himself and it's all my fault and she's packing some of my stuff into a box while I start crying. And I'm just crying throughout the whole dream like, it can't be because of me, it can't be like. What am I gonna do? What's it gonna be like in the future? What about his kids? Like. Wtf man. And mom's just really hammering the guilt onto me, saying it's because I took his room and all that, and I told her specifically I don't sleep in the room at all and he took the PlayStation so I really have no reason to be up there. But she's just glaring at me, pissed off and I can feel it. I don't remember if I went to someone else's house or if I just walked downstairs and into another house but like... It wasn't my house. I saw my ex gf, who I'm alright with now in real life. And she pissed me off too by saying something mean, so I left. Then came back to grab my phone and left again. A few people joined me and we went to go walk. We walked cross water, it was frozen in place. But as we walked across, it slowly started raining. And the more it rained the more the ice dissolved under our feet. We had to run, climb a hill. I went up the stairs, but there was a mudslide on the other side. Me and some other dude tried to go down, ended up going diagonally and onto a cliff of sorts. I held onto him and we fell, then he grabbed a rock, adjusted it, moved it back, and we fell some more. He grabbed a tree by the branches on the way down so we didn't land so hard, and cut me out of a hammock type thing to let me down. We were all soaking wet. I don't remember what happened a little after that. I do remember going to the courthouse and seeing my mom's boyfriend there in a suit. I looked at him and started crying and told him the situation. Then he told me mom was lying to my face because my brother didn't shoot himself, it was impossible for him to shoot himself, someone else shot him. I was so pissed but the sadness and anger just kinda wasn't the main focus? I don't remember feeling it after that. The crying eased up a bit as I walked behind our houses in the neighborhood. It was a rich looking neighborhood. Someone had a Jacuzzi, but it was inside a train-limo. No wheels, it sat on the ground. It was black and white, the black part being the tinted windows that stretched all the way from front to back. It was a flexible limo too, it was sitting in a curved position. You could see the smoke rising from it, and you couldn't fully see inside. In other yards, they had pure white sleek greek statues and tall trimmed bushes, some of the bushes a pure red. Someone was playing Childish Gambino's 'Awaken My Love' with their backdoor and windows open. I remember walking past a reflective window on someone's house and seeing a reflection of myself from the bottom half with a wedding dress and heels on, crying again because I knew my brother couldn't come to my wedding. And then my dream kinda ended from there.