Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 3/26/2019
By levinelover
I called Shakiba, I was in a bedroom that had my childhood tall brown drawer thing and even window ledge. I also had been texting her a lot, just casually. i was talking and talking, about nothing important just everyday routine stuff. All of a sudden Shakiba told me she doesn’t like talking to me, because what I tell her rubs her the wrong way. I asked her to please explain what she meant. She said for one, she knew for a fact I don’t think I’m as beautiful as I say I do. When I was talking on the phone with her, at one point I was looking in a mirror and saying how hot I was. I told Shakiba yes I do believe I’m beautiful, it’s based on my own personal standards and preferences with beauty. That I saw my features and self in the mirror and truly do believe I’m beautiful. I said yes I know I’m not 10/10, and I know I’m not for everybody. I know there’s lots of people who don’t find me attractive and I can understand why. Especially with my teeth, that I want to get fixed ASAP. I told her yes i babble about whatever I see and think, and I get her it can be annoying that I’ll message her about seemingly nothing at all, but the reason I do that is because I genuinely miss her and want to stay in contact with her and see how she’s doing and what she does day to day. I figured as long as we stayed in contact something interesting and meaningful would come up. She seemed to understand. I was on my window ledge, with a kinda diagram game where I had to place the teeth in the right part of the mouth, it was all flat like paper. It also only had like 6 top teeth. I moved one tooth in place to symbolize how Shakiba was annoyed with the whole mirror talking out loud thing. I asked her to tell me every other thing I said that rubber her the wrong way, ready to add a tooth for each one. Then I decided you know what, the whole reason I want to talk to you is too know what your life is like and what you do day to day, so instead of telling me what annoyed you in detail tell me what you do day to day, Monday to Sunday what you’ve done! I was in some mood where everything we talked about I wanted to analyze in detail. I didn’t get to see if what I asked annoyed her or if she was down to tell me. I was in a hotel lobby with Shane Dawson. Ryland was in the hotel too somewhere but I’m not sure where. Shane started to aggressively make out with me and it sent chills of pleasure up though my whole body. He held up my arms pinning me to a wall as we were sitting. I was very into it, it sent a rush up my whole body and i passionately made out him, I was all in. I assumed because Shane was so chill it Ryland would be too, but when he came back he was upset. To my surprise Ryland started yelling at us when he came back. He was yelling that this was cheating and he was pissed. I said I’m so sorry! Even though Shane was the one being dominant and initiating everything he said I could’ve pulled away and said no, rather than just let him make out with me so I was just as at fault. I knew he was right. I apologized to Ryland saying I didn’t think he’d be upset. Shane and Ryland went off alone to have a serious conversation about what just happened. I got a call from an unknown number and when I answered it was an indian girl with a pretty name, a name I’ve never heard before. She asked if I remembered her saying she met me at a party recently. I asked if she was the girl sitting in the corner with an indian boy and she said yes that was her. I was like oh yes how could I forget you of course I remember you two in the corner. I went to the corner of the hotel to see if she was there and I did see two people! I thought it was her at first but then I noticed it was Shane and Ryland and they were having a very emotional conversation. I knew I had to give Ryland a proper apology. There was one security guard who was there and looked at me as if he was ready to shoo me away so they could have their privacy, but i told the security guard “could you let me through? I need to apologize”. The security guard instantly knew I was the girl Ryland was upset with and let me through understandingly. I went up to them, Shane looked sensitive and Ryland looked offended than I went up to them while he was having an intimate talk with his boyfriend. I apologized again even though he didn’t look happy at all to see me there. I snuck inside my ex-parents house and went on a computer on a bed. I wasn’t plan to steal them but I held a bunch of necklace and bracelets a lot were silver or gold with a giant charm on them. I had like 6 sitting in the bed in front of me. I was on the computer and my step dad came up the stairs and caught me in the room! At first I was gonna play off that I was just passing through but when he saw the bracelets he knew I was settled in and not just stopping in and out. I tried to play it off by showing him the friendship bracelets but it was still obvious. I showed my step dad an orange watch I was wearing that Shakiba gave to me and I loved it because I love Shakiba. My ex-mom came upstairs, she was Asian. She assumed I came to live there, and stay in the room while I was looking for a place to rent. That wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities for me, it was 10000% even worse than going back to stay with my dad. I asked her if she knew who I was. Her eyes darted around barely looking into mine avoiding eye contact. She told me to go relax in living room and watch some tv. Stewie from family guy played dodge vollyball solo showdown on brawl stars. 91 while he was stuck up there even for dinner.