old memories

Date: 4/18/2018

it’s 4 am and i just woke up from a dream. not quite a nightmare, but a lovely dream that ended on such an upsetting note man. ~so keep in mind i have a body pillow that i lay next to me at night so i can hug it when my anxiety is bad~ ~a little back story on morgan, he was a guy that i had met a while back and we became very close, very fast. time passed and eventually he just sorta walked out and it fucked me up BIG time~ so i fell asleep holding that pillow and it took a while before i finally fell asleep. it started off pretty slowly and then once i was fully out, the dream came quickly. i was in the same position in my dream, as i was in real life. the only difference, in the dream, i wasn’t snuggled up to a pillow. i was snuggled up to a guy but i couldn’t figure out who it was. all i was able to understand was his heart beat and his breathing pattern. i closed my eyes for a few and once i opened them again his face was clear and it was morgan. i, of course, was very lost and i sort of jumped. i’m not sure how i was able to be off of him and on the complete opposite side of the bed so quickly. he rubbed his eyes then blinked a few times, then gave me a puzzled look and mumbled, “another nightmare, princess?” and i just felt my heart sink. i felt so hurt in my dream that it woke me up. it made my chest hurt so bad, i had to get up and get water then go outside and breathe a bit before i could get back to sleep. once i caught my breath and my chest didn’t hurt as bad i laid back down and dozed back off. i was in the same position i was when i left off (which is not common for me at all) and then i just sort of slowly laid back down on him and went back to sleep. i fell asleep focusing on his heartbeat and trying to mimic his breathing patterns. as i fell asleep in my dream i woke up in real life.