Thick Feelings of Disgust and Disappointment

Date: 11/26/2016

By Fitful

This dream flows sequentially. I was a year married, and happily. I was married to a fat vampire, a male balding one. In fact the entire society of vampires which I became a part of were fat male vampires. I vaguely recall a few female ones, the same body type. It was literally the same body type each one, tall and large, and hairy. Your typical middle age man, expect they were vampires, and taller than average. I had a toilet which was was mine, a particular stall that I claimed in a public restroom in the vampire compound. Throughout the dream it was in varying states of disarray. I wasn't a year married, just a year, and I remember being unsure if I wanted to be with him. I was talking to a bunch of female friends about it and they were shocked to hear me, apparently it as I was supposed to be so in love it was unthinkable. I explained it to them, clarified really, that it was more I couldn't imagine someone really wanting to be with me. And yet at the same time the idea of divorce was so abhorrent. I had picked up the crown, it symbolized him and me this shining light crystal huge hung on invisible string from the golden frame of the crown, which held possibility for divorce for him and me before this conversation, I had held it reverently, and felt this fear at the idea of divorce. I felt as if I was happy. I don't think this was entirely correct tho, throughout the dream one thing remained constant, which was my utter disgust physically with the man I married, and the other men around me. I liked him well enough, even enjoyed being married, but I found him repulsive sexually. And we never touched, not once in the whole dream, there was never any physical contact between me and him, or me and anyone except once brushing by someone. There was a community shower, and you stood in it to watch something, I'm not sure if it was a TV or a hypnotic light, maybe the news, or something alien and vampire but it was in the middle of the shower in a stall of its own, all the other stalls surrounded it and you stood in the water side by side with your fellow vampires facing the wall of the stall where it was behind. I did this it was routine and a pleasure but I got bored before it ended and a niece of mine wanted to see but couldn't find room. I gave her my spot. Later, soon after that a friend of my husband asked for something, he was a well trusted friend, he asked me to do something which I would forget, a few other people were involved. It was this whole opp thing, and I sorta bickered with this guy for a certain position by the window during it. However it got done, easily, and things went back to normal until a lot of people died. So many. Dozens, hundreds really. It was a mass ritual suicide/murder. It was as if they all killed themselves but were murdered by the orchestrator. Who happened to be the trusted friend, brother, of my husband. The one who I did a favor for, which I couldn't remember. My husband blamed me, he found out my part, which was very small actually, but as I didn't remember why I did it, why it was a good thing, I couldn't really defend myself. He sat at his desk ignoring me, looking at something, working, knowing I was staring, desperate for him to listen to me (defend myself) and he just kept ignoring me. He was so angry. I was frustrated knowing he was always going to be like this to me. But this thing happened as I watched him. This glorious thing. I saw into his head, as I looked at him, I saw this cloud of pastel space with winking stars as he thought, connected by thin filaments of starlight. They grew in number as I watched, as he thought whatever he was thinking, more stars began winking and more and more connections filled out inside that small space, and it was so beautiful to me I had a hard time imagining how this hard, hard man, could hold such beauty in him. I still felt everything I felt before for him, which by this time was recognizable as disgust and disillusionment, but I saw this thing and I was blown away.