An unplanned surgery and an unplanned visit from my ex

Date: 6/15/2019

I’ve waited too long to jot these interwoven dreams but here goes. The first dream sees me preparing for a surgery. I arrive at a hospital, normal looking modern day building. I’ve never broken a bone let alone undergoing the knife. As part of the preparation, my mom and I are given a tour of ward including where I’ll be staying post surgery. We meet a nurse, I can’t recall what she looks like but I do vividly recall the ward tour. It’s what you would expect, the sounds of beeps, the odd smells, classic hospital lighting - bright and obnoxious, medical equipment, and lots papers. I remember seeing stacks of papers. We finally get to where I’ll be staying post surgery. I understand it will only be a couple of days but the room makes me feel very uneasy. As we enter, the front part of the very large room is bright. It features a large window and it is neat. The patients staying in that part are not there but I can tell they will be welcoming. We then arrive to my place. The room changes...it becomes dark, old, and makes me feel very uncomfortable. I look at my mom (though I can never see her face in my dreams) and I tell her I can’t stay here. It doesn’t feel right. There are no windows like the other part. “I can’t be here alone,” I tell her. “Please, please, please help me get another room.” The part I remember the most is this part, begging my mom to not live me here. Begging her to help me get another room. The nurse tries to call me down by showing me to the shower and the types of toiletries they’ll be providing us. They’re fancy “Sabon” brand shampoos, conditioners, body lotions, and body washes. All coming in small little pod packets. (In real life Sabon is a favourite of mine) All I could focus on was the dark room I’d be staying in. I could almost feel the tears coming out. The next image I remember is seeing myself in the operating room. I’m laying down on the table, seeing the classic blue scrubs...the room feels bright and with hues of blue. I remember initially feeling excited about surgery - fascinated by anaesthesia. But now all I could think about was that horrible room, the room that makes me feel so uncomfortable, so uneasy. This part abruptly ends and then begins... With me back in what sort of looks like mom and dad’s home today. I’ve forgotten a lot of the details now but somehow I find myself showing my surgery scars to my ex-boyfriend/fiancé. I tell him I recovered unusually quickly - I think I’m trying to impress him and show him how much better I am without him. The next phase of the dream involves a pretty vivid image of my ex. I normally never see people’s faces in my dreams but I see his clearly. My little Cairn, Abbey also makes an appearance. I show him how happy and healthy she is. My family is home and I know my current fiancé will be arriving soon or maybe that I have to meet him - don’t recall. Either way I tell my mom I need a minute. There is something Brian needs to talk to me about but that she has nothing to worry about. I fidget around but finally meet him in the my parent long grey concrete drive way. I tell him I’m happy. I tell him that I’m sorry things ended so nasty and bitterly. I tell him I’ve practicing meditation and also going to therapy. In my dream, I feel as though I’m emanating warmth and peace. But I also know I’m over “acting” to come off this way. At some point, I say “She doesn’t make you happy, does she?” Then we’re in a TX/TJ Maxx type of a sort with my brother Alexi, other random friends, my current fiancé and him. Brian says how gentle, kind, and loving he is towards me and I sense his sadness. The rest is even hazier. The last I remember is chasing Brian with my brother Alexi. Brian and I were suppose to have lunch one final time before he headed off, except I lost him. He was walking too fast for me to keep up. Alexi has a feeling which restaurant he’ll be at but we never catch up.