forbidden

Date: 1/29/2017

We were laying in bed like friends do. And I was fine with that. I needed to be fine with it. We'd been drinking and had a good night. Talking before passing out was nice. I lay on my stomach, facing him as he lay on his back. I closed my eyes as he continued to talk about something that had happened that night. I felt him shuffle on the bed. And then he was closer to me. My head against his shoulder, he pulled my arm over his stomach. We had never been this close before. I could smell the sweetness of his skin. Immediately I was reminded of how badly I'd wanted this and for how long. He started to touch my back, running his hands over my skin. This was what I wanted. I wanted it so bad. I was buried between his shoulder and pillow still and all the sudden I realized I was crying. Tears melted into his shirt and the pillow. I moved to look at him, he asked "what's wrong?" "But why now? I haven't changed since last summer.." was all I could say. There was no response, sounds became muffled, and black ink surrounded me.