Black Wedding

Date: 9/19/2020

Background: “Alana’s” exboyfriend harassed her for a bit, to the point we were worried that he’d cross state lines as she started a new relationship. 12/16/2019: “Alana” was living on a ranch in the middle of nowhere living with two daughters, “Brad”, and some random guy she was married to that wasn’t her current man “Tyrion” where they drove around in a Volkswagen love van. Cue Alana’s ex “Jack” getting listed iff and showing up to the ranch to shoot everyone. Brad, completely out of character, hid in a well but got crushed by bricks when it caved in. When Jack shot everyone else, the random man yeeted the fuck out of that house and hid in the VW humming “Click Clack” by Slim Thug. Not aware of the situation, I sat in my isolated bedroom with some emo kid writing a cheesy acoustic song. The scene transitioned to a church wedding where Tyrion wore a whoopee cushion tux. The suit itself was green and the sleeves farted when he flailed his arms. We were all waiting for Alana (who was deceased at that point) to walk down the aisle when one of the audience members places a box filled with her ashes next to Tyrion. He picked up the box with his sleeves farting and asks, “who’s fuckin chocolate milk mix his this?”