My crush spoke to me :D (sort of?)

Date: 12/16/2020

[A bit of context: I’m a 14yo girl who has an obsessive crush on someone I’ve never had a conversation with before.] It was non-school uniform day for Christmas, and near to the end of the day we had a sports activity in the lecture theatre which involved throwing plastic swords at each other lol... Ameer (mycrush) is quiet but extremely competitive in sports whereas I’m terrible so I was naturally terrified of being humiliated- (this always happens in PE :’) ) I was one of the first to get out, obviously, by Ameer shooting a plastic sword from the bottom of the stairs right at my head. He ran up to me to collect it back and take my place but he also stopped to talk to me a bit... sort of...? He leant against the wall, saying some joke thing I couldn’t understand- at first he was speaking English but then trailed it off with some Asian racist shit or something (he’s Asian so...? This is normal for him.) I couldn’t understand him and I felt like this was the PERFECT time to finally speak to him but I felt so awkward and I didn’t know what to say so I just shoved the plastic sword in his hands and LITERALLY ran away. I sat at the bottom of the lecture theatre feeling extremely happy even though I usually would have beaten myself up for not acting like a functioning human being? Afterward my English teacher (this was weird because she hates sports) calmed us down after Ameer’s side had won, and she randomly went around asking people to say nice things about someone else. She stopped at one of Ameer’s friends, Kwaku, who said “I don’t know, but Ameer said that Phoebe (me) is kind-hearted.” Ameer casually denied it and I believed him because I’m not close to him at all, but for some reason it made me even happier anyway. I woke up devastated because it wasn’t real and he’s usually the one to physically run away from me if I tried to talk to him (he did that once I cried when I got home lol) Recurring ‘cause it’s always me spazzing out when I try to speak to people ¯\_(ツ)_/¯